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We all want to think we know ourselves well enough. That we know who
we are, what kind of a relationship we want to have and how to behave
with our partner.
In all likelihood you are no exception.
Yet there might be some things about yourself that you DON’T know.
Unfortunately, these “things” might cause you to sabotage your
relationships time and again – without you knowing that you do.
You might disagree with this assertion. It might be painful to think
that you are NOT totally aware of the ways your attitudes, reactions and
behaviors drive you to sabotage your relationships (or inability to
enter one).
Thinking it over with honesty might help you realize how much aware you are and how much control you have over them:
* Do you feel you can control, change and choose your attitudes,
reactions and behaviors, or do find yourself “controlled” by them?
* Do you feel you make CONSCIOUS DECISIONS about how to behave with
your partners, or do you find yourself operating on the basis of
AUTOMATIC PATTERNS which repeat themselves throughout all your
relationships?
* Is it possible that you interact with your partners in ways that
HARM the relationship (that you either don’t see or don’t think you can
change)?
* Is it possible that you are NOT AWARE at all that you harm your
relationships? That whenever conflicts arise between you and your
partners you blame them, not willing to take responsibility for your
part in the problems (or the eventual break-up of the relationship)?
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WHY IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU ARE NOT AWARE?
It shouldn’t surprise you that you might NOT be aware of the above
(maybe even deny and reject it). Self-Awareness is not something you
have been taught at home or in school.
But if you find yourself experiencing ongoing difficulties and
failures in your relationships (or in your ability to enter one), and
are willing to contemplate the possibility that there might be things
about yourself you DON’T know and that you might be SABOTAGING your
relationships -
THEN:
The best you can do for yourself is to take the necessary steps to
BECOME AWARE: to get to know and understand yourself better; to realize
that there might be factors you were UNAWARE OF UNTIL NOW (such as:
your needs and fears, belief-system, unrealistic expectations and
fantasies) which controlled your attitudes, reactions and behaviors and
drove you to harm your relationships.
Becoming aware empowers you to make the necessary changes and cultivate a successful relationship.
People wonder why some couples make it and others don’t. To begin
with, why do some people find love and others don’t. Here are the many
factors that can contribute to a successful love life that are often
overlooked.
Stability
Men can find stability in a woman attractive because they don't want someone who doesn't know how to control her emotional intelligence
or issues which may come up in life. Men aren't going to like drama and
do like to keep things easy going, so this is why they want a stable
partner.
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Attraction is different for everyone
Not only is the opposite sex confused about what the other finds
attractive, but each individual is different. Individuals can have
unique standards about what they find attractive in the opposite sex,
especially about personality traits.
Approval, make him feel accepted
Men are captivated to others who make them feel accepted. Someone who
doesn't want too much from him or the way he acts. Someone who doesn't
try to change him, or anticipate too much in a relationship. He wants to
be relaxed around the woman he spends the rest of his life with.
Independent/ Make him feel desirable
Whether it's; financially, emotionally, or relationally, men can find
independence attractive in a woman. Being too needy can be a turn-off.
But did we know that being independent can be a turn-on? An independent
woman will not only appeal to the men who want a low-maintenance
partner, but also puts out the vibe that she's strong and doesn't need
him, making him feel that she needs to be pursued.
On the other hand, some women are the opposite. This can also be a
turn-on to some men. There are men around who want to take care of their
woman, and a more dependent woman can touch his masculine, heroic,
loving side.
To be safe if you don't know him yet, display both sides and have a healthy balance of each, not overbearing on either.
Gets along with friends and family
Many times a relationship doesn't just have to do with the couple involved, but with friends and family as well. This can mean that chemistry doesn't just have to do with the two of them, but how well she fits in with friends and family.
Where lovers may come and go friends and family are more lasting. So if
he has to make a choice between the two, he can sometime pick his
friends over her, as they're the more lasting of the two.
Fits into his life-style
Chemistry doesn't always have to do with two individuals, but with his
lifestyle. Many factors can come into play, his financial situation,
their aspirations, traveling, flexibility, people he associates with,
and other factors. Chemistry and attraction doesn't always have to do
with two people, but at times has to do with how well they match each
other's lifestyle.
The right time in their lives
Timing is everything in life. The right thing at the wrong time is the
wrong thing. Love happening is related to the right timing in life.
When; professions, feelings, wants, and biological clock's pair just
right. Where the both of them met and were looking for love in the right
time in their lives, that`s when love will strike.
Luck
Whether it's that they met the right people, or have a lot of
connections, luck can now and then be the final factor. Is it luck, or
just getting out there and meeting the right people and making yourself
as available to meeting as many as possible?
The people you know
Friends and family who have paired them up well could be the factor that
made love take place. They could just be fortunate enough that when her
friend met the right man for her, she was thinking of matching them
together. Most of the time life isn`t about your own abilities, but who
you know in life. Getting the word out to your close and trusted friends
can help in pairing you up, as they may know just the right man for
you.
Looking in the right place
Meeting Mr. Right has to do with seeking in the right places. If the
qualities you're attracted to are class, and intellect, then your
chances of finding him are better off in a library than in a club. Hang
out in places, and join activities where he'll most likely be found.
Looking for him in the wrong place is just going to waste your time and
could even distract you with the wrong kind of guy.
Don't close doors
Most people don't have the fairy tale love story of love at first sight.
Attraction frequently comes over a bit of time. Writing him off as
unattractive or putting him in the friend zone too early can be
untimely. Most couples are formed from friendships and people spending
time together before deciding whether they are attracted to each other
or not.
These are the many factors that can participate to love, and
questioning why a couple has it won`t necessarily give you the answers
that will help you find love. Keep looking, stay upbeat, and keep your
hopes up, love will find you soon.
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