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There Are Four Steps. Are You Doing All Of Them?
Are you and your partner having a tough time getting over an argument? Here are some tips to help.
1. Surrender to your responsibility.
When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and
apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You don’t have to
be afraid of punishment or rejection –- apologizing makes it easier to
be forgiven.
2. Don’t be afraid to admit you're wrong.
This fear comes from a culture of blaming and accusing -- where your early family
or schoolmates may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong,
and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the
hurt. Don’t approach every situation as if you're on trial, and don’t
compulsively try to convince everyone you're not guilty. Apology and
subsequent forgiveness
is stress-releasing, and healthy for the relationship, which turns out
to be healthy for the participants in the relationship. Relationships
which include healthy apology and forgiveness are less stressful, more supportive, and therefore healthier for the individuals within them.
3. Follow the following pattern for apology:
Admit your mistake: Speak directly to the person to whom you need to apologize.
State what you did (so the person knows you’re aware)
Say you’re sorry
Do a re-take: Describe what change you’ll make to fix it, and so it won’t happen again
Say “I hope you can forgive me.”
4. If that doesn’t work, ask the other person what he or she wants
you to apologize for (in case you misunderstood your mistake).
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