 Pulling away is very common for a man, even in the best of relationships. What matters here is not that the man is pulling away, it's how the woman HANDLES the situation when he does. Because while you can't generally control why he pulls away, you CAN have full control over how you respond to it. Think about that for a minute. You have enormous power in your relationship with a man to steer things in a positive direction... even if he's not "cooperating" with you in any given moment. So Let Me Ask You This...How do you usually respond when a man pulls away? Do you get upset and react out of fear to the problem he's creating? |
A large part of handling this situation with a man actually involves not DOING very much at all. If you've ever heard of the expression "action in inaction," you'll want to keep it in mind here. The concept is that NOT taking action and giving up control of a situation is sometimes the most powerful action you can take.
Why? Because you're allowing events to unfold naturally and you actually get to learn information you can use to then take the necessary action.
Let me show you what I mean in the context of this all-too-common relationship scenario where a man pulls back.
Non-Action 1: Take A Step Back Yourself
When a man who has been showing a lot of interest in you suddenly pulls back, your immediate reaction is probably to launch into "fix it" mode. You might start to worry, ask him what he's thinking and feeling, and generally try to "fix" the situation.While this might seem like a sensible, proactive thing to do, it usually ends up leaving you frustrated and can actually create more distance between the two of you.
That's because when one person in any interaction becomes the "convincer," the other person will usually resist. It's human nature, and you probably know it all too well from your experience with men. Instead, the best thing you can do is to take the focus off needing to fix the situation and simply allow the space for him to naturally come forward.
Non-Action 2: Identify How He's Withdrawing
Taking a step back also let's you do something else: It gives you a chance to observe him and if his withdrawing is more a pattern of his own rather than a reaction to something specific in your relationship.There are two ways a man can withdraw. I call them "annoying withdrawal" and "dysfunctional withdrawal."
Annoying withdrawal is when a man pulls back into himself and his own mind for a few minutes or hours and takes space for himself. Sure, he might shut down his feelings and communication, but he doesn't do this for long. He is also able to come out of it and ultimately communicate and allow space for your feelings once he's out of it.
On the other hand, dysfunctional withdrawal does not allow for your feelings. It usually lasts longer and is more isolating and intense. It repeats frequently in response even to seemingly little stresses or things a man isn't capable of handling emotionally, and it does not ultimately allow for the exchange and communication that a real relationship requires.
The Right Kind Of Action That Brings Him Closer
Once you get the first two steps I shared above, there's a simple way to permanently avoid the kind of withdrawal that makes you feel less appreciated or understood by a man.Here's something interesting about how men work that you probably never thought of. A man falls more DEEPLY in love with you because of the way you handle the important moments in your relationship - in ways other women can't and don't.
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