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Creating a successful relationship takes a lot more than believing in Cupid, love, marriage
or romance. Instead of blundering blindly through the stages of
commitment, you can begin building the solid basis your relationship
needs by asking yourself some questions. Here are some to consider
before moving in together or making emotional and financial commitments:
1. What is your definition of commitment?
Whether
you know it or not, you and your partner are continuously defining your
relationship. If you don't know what your relationship means to each of
you, you risk repeating past mistakes, getting stuck in uncomfortable
roles, or fighting about what a healthy relationship is. Talk about what
you mean by words such as relationship, commitment, love, and
faithfulness. You'll be amazed by what you learn.
2. Have you discussed finances?
Next to sex,
money is the biggest generator of problems, arguments, and resentment in
long-term relationships. Couples tend to assume that money should be
pooled, but it usually isn't that easy. A disparity in income can mean
struggling about who pays for what, or whose income determines your
lifestyle. Different financial habits
(one likes to save, the other spends more, or doesn't keep track) can
become a source of argument. For many couples, separating the money
makes things run smoother; you don't wind up struggling for control. You
can split expenses evenly, or work out a percentage share if your
incomes are different. Whatever you do, learn to talk about money in a
businesslike manner.
3. What about household responsibilities?
If
you're not yet living together, take a tour of each other's homes.
Drastically different decorating styles, neatness, and organization
levels can become sources of argument, as can housekeeping and chores.
If you have different tastes, it may require a lot of creativity
and negotiation to decorate a joint home in a way that makes both of
you comfortable. Additionally, think hard before moving into your
partner's established home. You may have trouble feeling as if you
belong in a home that was previously established by your partner, unless
you participate together in reorganizing and redecorating it.
4. How close are you to family or friends? If
one of you has a lot of family or friends, and the other does not, or if
you both have big families, find out what those relationships mean.
Where will you spend holidays? If there are family members who have
problems, such as financial stress, addiction or mental illness, how much will that impact your relationship?
5. How do you handle anger and other emotions?
We
all get upset from time to time. If you are usually good at diffusing
each other's anger and being supportive through times of grief
or pain, your emotional bond will deepen as time goes on. If your
tendency is to react to each other and make the situation more volatile
and destructive, you need to correct that problem before you live
together.
6. How do you show love to each other? Talking
about which actions and words mean love to you may be surprising. Even
if it's hard for you to figure out, discussing how you give and receive
love will improve your relationship. You will understand what makes each
of you feel loved, and how to express your love effectively.
7. How well did you discuss these very questions?
Asking
yourselves these questions are excellent tests of your ability to
define and work out problems. Constructive discussion that leads to a
mutually satisfactory solution means you know how to solve problems in
your relationship. If not, get counseling before going further.
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Gain More Self Confidence With Women
If you’re the shy kind and an introvert, chances are, you’re looking
for ways to build self confidence around women. The most common problem
which guys have around women is that they believe they’re simply not good enough and that is the root cause of their rejection.
This is because when you’re worried you’re not good enough, you end
up projecting a bad self image and which woman would go for a guy who
doesn’t think much of himself?
No, I’m not saying you start walking around with your chest sticking
out and your shoulders thrown back, women hate over confident men, but
you need to project the image that you’re comfortable in your own skin!
Here are 5 tips for you to gain self-confidence around women! Armed with
these, you simply can’t go wrong!
5 Ground Rules!
1. When you are around girls or the girl of your dreams, you need to
learn to relax. Easier said than done I know, but you can try to
concentrate on your posture and try relaxing your tense muscles.
2. When you’re going up to her, have no expectations. Don’t expect
that she’s going to say yes to you and more importantly, don’t expect
that she is going to refuse you!
3. If you’re serious about gaining self-confidence and not just
around women, try meditating and practicing yoga for a while every day.
Nothing works better than this. This helps you stay in a positive frame
of mind and that reflects when you’re talking to women.
4. Whenever you’re around women, instead of thinking about all your
bad qualities, think of all your positive attributes, your strengths so
to speak. This will make you seem more comfortable and at ease and it is
a well-known fact that women like easy-going guys!
5. Lastly, when you are about to approach her, don’t spend endless hours debating whether you should or your shouldn’t. JUST DO IT,
before all those negative thoughts come rushing in! The first step is
often the hardest to take, but after you do, it becomes easier with
every move, so go for it.
Gaining more self-confidence with women is not that hard, you just need to keep a cool head and most importantly, ENJOY her company, rather than mentally deprecate yourself all the time!
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When a relationship comes to an end it can be an incredibly painful
experience. And this doesn’t even need to be a relationship was
fulfilling or healthy; as it can be painful no matter how ‘good’ or
‘bad’ it was.
So this means that someone can have the desire to get back with
their ex and for the relationship to continue even though this might not
be the best option. Logically one might think that if the relationship
didn’t work before, then the best option would be to move on.
If the relationship did work before and there didn’t seem to be a
reason for it to end, then it is only natural that one would do all they
can to get back with their ex. What it comes down to is the fact that
an emotional attachment has been made and so, logic or reason can have
very little impact.
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Good
When someone is in a relationship that is going well and then out of
nowhere it just ends and this could be an abrupt end, it is could make
one wonder what happened. They could end up feeling mystified and have
no idea why it has come to an end.
And even if they are aware of what wasn’t working, their mind could
filter these reasons out. One then only chose to focus on what was right
and to ignore what was wrong. If they can think of more positives than
negatives, then this is going to cause one to feel even more convinced
that it shouldn’t have ended.
Bad
However, if one is in a relationship that is not going well and then
before long it comes to an end, it is unlikely to make one wonder what
happened. The evidence is going to be there and there is then no
confusion as to why is has come to an end.
But just because the evidence is there, it doesn’t mean that one is
going to accept it. They might start to idealise the relationship and
begin to see what they want to see; instead of what was taking place.
Solutions
And just because the relationship was not working, it won’t
necessarily stop someone form trying to get back with their ex. If it
was working, then it is to be expected that one would do all they can to
restore the relationship.
This is not something one has to do all by themselves either; as there is help available. One can be assisted through reading books, articles and they can have coaching. There are even spell casters out there that offer to reunite people.
A Mutual Choice
When two people are in a relationship, ideally it should be through
choice and not through fear or obligation. So if one was to work on
themselves in order to get back with their ex, then it is clear that
they are not violating another person. And yet, if one was to use
control, manipulation and even a ‘spell’, it shows that they are trying
to violate another person.
And if this is what is happening, one would need to ask themselves
why they want to get back with their ex. If they truly loved or liked
the other person, they would want what’s best for them. If this means
that they want one to be a part of their life then so be it, but if not,
this is something that one will have to accept.
Emotional Attachment
When one has formed an emotional attachment to someone, it is not
going to be easy to let go. If this was a relationship that worked, then
one is not necessarily going to want to let go. The fact they are
attached to them, could be interpreted as a sign that they are meant to
be together.
And the same interpretation could be formed even if the relationship
was not working; simply because they feel attached to the other person.
Letting go can be painful even when the relationship wasn’t work. As a
result of having this attachment, it is going to be painful to not have
this person around anymore.
Regulation
So for some people this attachment is going to reflect the truth and
that is that they are meant to be together. But for others, it is just
going to reflect what is going on for them and therefore have nothing to
do with the other person or the relationship.
Being with the other person is then a way for them to regulate their
emotions and for them to feel better. What the other person wants is
then not taken into account and one is being motivated by their own need
to feel better. The other person’s needs and wants are then completely
disregarded.
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Emotions
And the emotions that one is trying to regulate through being with
the other person could relate to the present day relationship and they
can also relate to ones childhood years. The present relationship has
then triggered trapped emotions from their past and if one is not aware
of this, they can end up believing that the other person is causing
them.
The other person is then believed to be in control of how they feel
and based on this, they are the only ones who can make them feel better.
What this would show is that one has become emotionally dependent on
the other person.
Awareness
So there is the chance that one is meant to be with their ex and
also the chance that they are not. And it will be important for one to
reflect on the fact that their ex is an individual who has their own
needs and wants.
If one is suffering emotionally, they may need to seek the
assistance of a therapist or a healer. When one has an emotional build
up from their past, it is going to make it difficult for them to see and
to think clearly.
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Let's face it, nothing feels quite like having someone special in your life - a significant other to call your own.
But ask yourself this. Are you making the mistake of assuming you're in a committed relationship with a man you're dating?
The truth is, just because you're dating,
enjoying each other's company and sleeping together doesn't necessarily
mean he's on the same page when it comes to your involvement.
If you're unsure about where you really stand with a guy, these 6
tell-tale signs can help you determine if he's as committed as you are.
1. He Runs Hot and Cold
Does he exhibit unreliable and flaky behavior? This is often a good indicator that he's "shopping around."
If he appears totally into you one minute, then can't remember your
name the next, his confusion is probably the result of him entertaining
other options.
2. He Never Introduces You As His Girlfriend
If he's introducing you as "a good friend" instead of his
"girlfriend," to friends and acquaintances, take note! More than likely,
he doesn't view you as "his."
3. He Never Uses Romantic Terms of Endearment
Another tactic a guy may use to keep the relationship from seeming
too serious is to use verbiage that conveys he sees his involvement with
you as casual.
For example, if he always uses playful, yet neutral nick names such
as "Kiddo" and "pal" instead of referring to you as honey, sugar or
baby, chances are he doesn't think of you as "his woman."
4. He Only Wants to See You at His Convenience
If your involvement is lopsided and you're only spending time with
him on his schedule and on his terms, then more than likely, you're not a
priority for him.
5. He Doesn't Invite You to Special Events or Social Engagements
When a man is truly committed to you, he wants you to be involved in
some of the activities he enjoys and functions that are important to
him.
Not that you have to do everything together, but if he never asks you
to come with, odds are pretty good that he doesn't view you as his
lady.
6. He's Always "Missing In Action"
If you're constantly unable to reach him or consistently don't hear
from him over several hours and even days, it's a pretty safe bet he's
seeing other women.
Knowing where you really stand with a guy will not only prevent you
from wasting time with a man who isn't ready or interested in something
more meaningful; understanding that he may not see your relationship the
same way will keep you from feeling betrayed and becoming disappointed
and hurt.
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Realizing that you and he are not a couple also frees you up to avail
yourself of other options and is a great way to let a guy know that
he's not the only "bull in the stall."
This will get his attention and may even cause him to step up and stop taking you for granted.
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Dating is no
longer, what it used to be. You also have to realize that your boyfriend
or girlfriend had his or her own friends’ priority to meeting you.
Dating is about learning
and exploring the possibilities that exist in a relationship and
figuring out if the relationship can move to the next level. You cannot
expect your partner to abandon his/her lifestyle to fit in with yours.
Here are three things you should not do when dating:
Don't Expect Your Partner to Give Up “Me” Time
Everyone deserves to have some “me” time where he or she relaxes and
loosen up after working hard or taking care of business. Do not expect
your partner will be around you 24/7. Your partner deserves to have some
alone time where he or she can wind down without being disturbed. Every
relationship should have time out where each partner can relax without
choking the other partner up.
Do not monitor your partner
Some people are fond of calling their partners up and when he or she
does not answer the phone, they press the redial button immediately.
Calling your partner too frequently is a sign of desperation (or
insecurity) when there is no emergency. Your partner may be at a meeting
at work or in-transit and cannot pick up your call. It may also be that
your partner wants to have some time alone. Learn to wait for an
explanation before charging and jumping to conclusions about his/her
whereabouts.
Monitoring your partner’s movements or phone calls is a sign of
insecurity. Do not try to sneak and check your partner’s phone every
time it rings or ask who is calling. Do not try to be too clingy. It
also shows some signs of insecurity. Allow your partner talk to whomever
he/she wants to.
Do not try to change or control your partner
Your insecurities may also push you to want to control your partner and expect him or her to take to your rules. Dating
is more like trying on clothes to see which ones will fit you. You
cannot try to change someone just to fit into your own ways. You either
accept them for who they are along with their flaws or move on to find
someone else. Trying to change or control someone is narcissistic and
should not be encouraged. You can learn to understand your partner and
work together to figure out how best to improve on your communication
and relationship while building into one another.
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If you find anything wrong, it is best to bring it to your partner’s
attention by having an amiable conversation than an intense argument. It
is okay to let your partner know about your fears (if any) and you both
work at it together. Relationships are not rocket-science. It takes two
people who know and understand each other while dating to make a relationship work.
Dating is all about trying to figure each other out, ensuring you
both share values and are compatible. You also trust, love and are
committed to each other. Your partner’s time should be valued as well as
yours and respect each other’s space. The more you give your partner
the space needed and build on each other, the deeper you give room for
your relationship to thrive.
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During life, we all seek to know someone well enough to feel love
and be loved; we seek to connect and be a part of another person's life.
When we look for love, sometimes we are looking for a lot more than
love itself. We are not just looking for someone to be with, but we are
also looking to fulfill everything we need in life. We want
understanding, someone by our side; we want companionship, sentiment,
and all the desired characteristics we find attractive and need in
another person. Love has a big list to fill, or so we think so.
Finding love can be a lot easier when we let go of all that we think we need because love can be enough all by itself.
It is when we get distracted by our other needs that we forget or even
overlook the love that is or can be there, for finding love isn’t about
finding the criteria we think we need in another person. Love is more
than our list of what we want. Love, true love, can be in a very
different from what we would ordinarily find attractive or essential to
our needs. Imagine if you were more open and aware of what your true
needs were and instead looked from this place? Imagine if you let go of
all you think you need in order to fall in love with someone? By
letting go of your agenda of what love is and needs to be, you can feel
love for the sake of love. If you let go of how it must be, you can
feel it from a more pure place.
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We may not even see the love that is available to us because of our biased idea of how it must be for us.
True love, the person that really fits us, does not always come in the
package we deem essential. If you let go of your idea of the perfect
match, the perfect love, and allowed yourself just to feel and be open,
who would you see? What person in your life have you overlooked simply
because they didn’t fit in with your idea of the perfect mate? What
relationship are you stuck in because you believe this is what love
should be, even if you don’t feel it? Love can come from the most
unexpected places. Do not keep yourself stuck in a loveless
relationship because you think it is ideal and fits with your
expectations. Do not ignore the possibilities based on your assumptions
of what this other person may or may not be. Open yourself up to
everything around you and lose your criteria for love. Love encompasses
more than you think, and it can overshadow all you have ever known so
far. Let yourself find love by escaping from what you think love is.
Open up to love with no ideas of how it has to be. When you do this,
finding love is a lot easier, for you give yourself a chance to find the
love you are meant to be with.
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What is the Fun Aspect in your relationship? Couples have the
tendency to become complacent in their relationship including the fun
aspect of their relating. This is traumatic to the relationship as it
stifles its energy flow creating a numb, stuck and disconnect feel and
dissatisfied partners.
Regardless of your relationship stage, it is imperative that you have
fun with your partner. Your brain and body chemistry change when you
have fun together. This engenders and supports bonding and
connectedness. Partnership fun creates positive and loving energy in
your in-between that creates aliveness, passion, and intimacy. There are other countless benefits to having fun as well – like strengthening your immune system and more.
What is your Personal Fun Aspect? Do you know how to relax and have
fun? What is fun for you? What is surprising, exhilarating, hilarious?
What type of humor do you have? What do you find silly, amusing, funny?
What makes you laugh? Do you banter, tease, joke? Do you do pranks? Do
you play sports or
games? What activities do you enjoy doing? How physical do they get? Do
you clown around, horseplay? Are you in touch with your body? What gives
you pleasure, delight, joy? Exploring these questions for yourself will
give you some insights into what you bring to your relationship fun.
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Are you in need of expanding your Personal Fun Aspect and being
more open-minded, flexible, engaging? This is an opportunity for you to
stretch yourself and expand your repertoire. This practice will assist
you integrate this potentially lost, denied or disowned part of your
self. Start becoming whole again and feel your aliveness – engage your
potential!
Can you imagine the benefits to your relationship, and your life,
when you start doing this? It’s amazing! Now, be cautious at the same
time because you might throw your partner off and they might be
resistant to the new you. Mindfully share this part of you. There is no
need to spook your partner – invite them into the fun!
Online dating... it's a love hate relationship isn't it? I'm sure you've heard of all the horror stories about online dating...
girls being cheated, men spamming your inboxes and men who just want
to have fun... and I don't blame you for freaking out after hearing so
many horror stories.
I know you will want to try it out if you are new to the dating
scene or if you haven't been dating for a while. And going out to meet
new people isn't exactly your cup of tea right now. I understand... it's
scary to suddenly get out of your comfort zone and go out there and be
vulnerable. So, if you put on some pants and get out there, you will
increase your chances of meeting your MR. Right. But that's not say
online dating can't work for you.
Think about this... If you as an eligible woman who is
kind and gentle submitting your details to these dating sites, do you
there will be eligible men who are nice and sincere submitting their
details to these dating sites as well? Your chances are pretty high don't you think?
That being said, why is the success rate for online dating sites so low?
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First of all, if your impression of online dating site is on the
negative side and you think that all the men on those sites are out to
cheat or they are not serious then naturally that will be your
experience because that's what you belief and focus on.
Because that's your perception, then even if a nice guy contacted
you, you'll doubt his intentions and you end up self sabotaging
yourself.
Secondly, if you are someone who judges a lot on the physical, the
men you attract will also judge you on the physical. The same principle
applies to dating agencies. They match you based on the superficial
level.... how he looks, what's his job (tittle), how much he makes....
How can you make online dating work for you... while you are in your PJS...?
Get rid of the mindset that all the men on the dating sites are jerks. If you feel so, don't bother participating.
Get clear on WHY you want to participate on the dating site. i.e. To make new friends.
Your profile picture should be one that is able to show the real you. No bikini photo.
Write your profile truthfully. You don't want to attract the "wrong" kind of men.
Send out good and positive vibes and expect success.
Be clear on one thing, if you haven't been dating for a while
now, you may get all excited about going on your first date and lose
yourself. Going on dates doesn't mean you have to pretend to
be someone you are not to impress the guy. The purpose of these dates is
to get to know the guy better and get clear on what you want and what
you don't want. If he ain't the right one... move on....
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There Are Four Steps. Are You Doing All Of Them?
Are you and your partner having a tough time getting over an argument? Here are some tips to help.
1. Surrender to your responsibility.
When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and
apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You don’t have to
be afraid of punishment or rejection –- apologizing makes it easier to
be forgiven.
2. Don’t be afraid to admit you're wrong.
This fear comes from a culture of blaming and accusing -- where your early family
or schoolmates may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong,
and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the
hurt. Don’t approach every situation as if you're on trial, and don’t
compulsively try to convince everyone you're not guilty. Apology and
subsequent forgiveness
is stress-releasing, and healthy for the relationship, which turns out
to be healthy for the participants in the relationship. Relationships
which include healthy apology and forgiveness are less stressful, more supportive, and therefore healthier for the individuals within them.
3. Follow the following pattern for apology:
Admit your mistake: Speak directly to the person to whom you need to apologize.
State what you did (so the person knows you’re aware)
Say you’re sorry
Do a re-take: Describe what change you’ll make to fix it, and so it won’t happen again
Say “I hope you can forgive me.”
4. If that doesn’t work, ask the other person what he or she wants
you to apologize for (in case you misunderstood your mistake).
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If you really stop and think about it you might still have a
difficult time figuring out why women dump men. That's because many men
still find women to be a huge mystery. It's part of their charm most of
the time but in moments like these can be the bane of your existence.
The good news is that women are not as difficult to figure out as you've
been taught they are.
They really only want one thing from you: an abundance
of appreciation. She works hard to make your life run smoothly. She
does the dishes, cooks your meals, washes your clothes, folds your
socks, and even cleans your bathroom. In fact, she does many of these
things so well you might not even notice that she's doing them.
That's when the trouble starts. She doesn't realize that by not
noticing these things it's actually a compliment to her (because we all
know you'd notice if dinner wasn't getting made or your lunches weren't
getting packed every morning). I bet she even sets the coffee pot so
that you have a nice piping hot cup of much needed caffeine every
morning. Have you told her how much you appreciate all these little
things she does that makes your life easier? If not, give it a try and watch how quickly everything about her just
lights up and glows. She does this for you. She wants to make you
happy. That makes her happy. All she really needs in return is for her
efforts to be noticed and appreciated.
Some men mistake this for high maintenance but she does a lot in
return for the appreciation she's asking for. It's a fair trade unless
you really want to mate your own socks, cook your own meals, and clean
your own toilets for the rest of your life. The reason I say this is
that all women want to be appreciated for these little things and that
lack of appreciation is one of the major reasons why women dump men. It
will eventually become a bone of contention in all your relationships if
you don't master it early and learn it well.
Brownie Points
Do you want to know how to score a few extra special brownie points
in the appreciation department? She'll be speechless and feel so loved
when you do this. Offer to do all these things for her for one day while
she goes out and gets her nails or hair done. Give her a day off and
you take on the jobs she does for you all the time. You might even get
tears of joy, a lot of respect, and some very personal adoration from
her as a result.
Knowing why women dump men can help you avoid this situation. Now
that you know what she needs, what are you going to do to make sure she
gets it?
