Overcoming Your Break Up when Your Boyfriend is Dating Once More

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It is never easy to overcome a break up. Interestingly, one of the things that can help you out is to begin dating once more. Of course, it is not easy to muster the courage to start going out for a date after your break up. The intimacy you shared with your ex, and the duration of your relationship, will make the break up even more difficult to endure. In such a case, you will find it very odd to go out on a date with someone new. Yet dating is one of the things that can lift you out of the gloom of a break up.

It may be even more challenging in case your ex boyfriend is already dating once more. However, you should understand that it is by dating that you will get his attention even at such a stage. Your ex boyfriend may be going out on a date while there are at least some residues of love towards you. When he realizes that you are seeing another guy, the stinging arrows of jealousy will hit him. Then he may begin to reconsider his decision.

Dating after a break-up, and when your ex is already up and about, will undoubtedly be difficult. However, there are some things that will help you out.

Speed dating
Although speed dating is still a relatively new phenomenon, it is becoming popular fairly fast. Basically, speed dating involves meeting several single people who are looking for relationships, and spending brief moments with each potential date. This offers a number of advantages.

You will largely be able to maintain your privacy, as speed dating is relatively anonymous. Safety is also enhanced given the controlled environment in which you will meet. In addition, you will be able to meet several people who have similar interests.

Online dating
This is another very popular mode of dating nowadays. It gives you the opportunity to meet numerous people with whom you share similar interests. Some online dating sites even offer some kinds of match-making services, where you will fill a questionnaire and then receive an update of potential dates who match your requirements.   Online dating has been trusted over time, and some very great relationships started in this way.

Match-maker services

During the earlier times, matchmakers were highly respected. Although the practice became outdated for some time, its value has been appreciated in the recent past and it is coming back in vogue once more. There are match-making services that will get you in touch with potential dates that you would have not met otherwise.

This is an option that you should consider only when you are serious about finding someone new to start a serious relationship with. Keep off it in case you still expect to get back with your ex.

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5 Rules to Make Great First Dates

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Below are five first date rules. These rules can probably be modified and applied in your life generally for being very likable and attractive on dates or anywhere else. These are easy tweaks that should make dating easier, and more fun, no matter what the outcome.

1. Ease up on the expectations by playing a different game. Ask yourself a question. Why are you on the market and dating right now? Is it because you’re lonely. Is it because your clock is ticking and you’re husband shopping? Is it because you feel like you “should” be in a relationship?
The answer to that question should be, “I’m dating because I really dig men and I’m having a blast.” Setting the intention to date for fun, allows you to be in the present moment with a guy and enjoy his company without worrying about what will or won’t happen next. Dating is always a numbers game. Most people date many, many people before finding “the one”. So, you may as well set your compass for fun and enjoy the process. Dating for dating sake needs to be enjoyable. If you can’t dial in on dating as a good time, you probably need to take a break for awhile.

2. Talk less, listen more. A first date is not a job interview. You shouldn’t be selling yourself or any of your great qualities on your first date. I’m sure you think you aren’t doing that. However, it can come off that way unconsciously very easily. So, make it a point to ask a lot of questions, and do a lot more listening than you do talking.

3. Avoid interviewing your date. While your job is to ask more questions and listen more, avoid asking the kind of questions that might make a person feel like they are being interviewed. We all know the hot button questions to avoid on a first date, and yet I’m amazed how often first date conversation drifts to marriage, kids, and ex’s anyway. Don’t do it. Keep the conversation, engaging. It’s not an inquisition.

4. Be the kind of woman a man can picture taking home to mom. Basically, be classy, not sexy on a first date. I know all of this might sound super obvious, but when you’re nervous, it’s easy to let some obvious things slip. Be appropriate. Use your best manners. Keep your drinking to a minimum. Watch your language. Behave in a way that leaves you free and clear of any cringe worthy moments you might regret.

5. Be your own good time. Don’t outsource your feel good. Don’t depend on your date or anyone else to show you a nice evening. You decide how you want to feel, and bring that to the date rather than waiting for someone else to deliver it. No one can actually make you feel confident, appreciated, or excited. So, if you want those things, bring them yourself. A woman who brings her own good time is very pleasant to be around. An easy smile is the best cosmetic.

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Are You Aware that You May Be Sabotaging Your Relationships?

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We all want to think we know ourselves well enough. That we know who we are, what kind of a relationship we want to have and how to behave with our partner.
In all likelihood you are no exception.
Yet there might be some things about yourself that you DON’T know. Unfortunately, these “things” might cause you to sabotage your relationships time and again – without you knowing that you do.
You might disagree with this assertion. It might be painful to think that you are NOT totally aware of the ways your attitudes, reactions and behaviors drive you to sabotage your relationships (or inability to enter one).
Thinking it over with honesty might help you realize how much aware you are and how much control you have over them:
* Do you feel you can control, change and choose your attitudes, reactions and behaviors, or do find yourself “controlled” by them?
* Do you feel you make CONSCIOUS DECISIONS about how to behave with your partners, or do you find yourself operating on the basis of AUTOMATIC PATTERNS which repeat themselves throughout all your relationships?
* Is it possible that you interact with your partners in ways that HARM the relationship (that you either don’t see or don’t think you can change)?
* Is it possible that you are NOT AWARE at all that you harm your relationships? That whenever conflicts arise between you and your partners you blame them, not willing to take responsibility for your part in the problems (or the eventual break-up of the relationship)?

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WHY IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU ARE NOT AWARE?
It shouldn’t surprise you that you might NOT be aware of the above (maybe even deny and reject it). Self-Awareness is not something you have been taught at home or in school.
But if you find yourself experiencing ongoing difficulties and failures in your relationships (or in your ability to enter one), and are willing to contemplate the possibility that there might be things about yourself you DON’T know and that you might be SABOTAGING your relationships -
THEN:
The best you can do for yourself is to take the necessary steps to BECOME AWARE: to get to know and understand yourself better; to realize that there might be factors you were UNAWARE OF UNTIL NOW (such as: your needs and fears, belief-system, unrealistic expectations and fantasies) which controlled your attitudes, reactions and behaviors and drove you to harm your relationships.
Becoming aware empowers you to make the necessary changes and cultivate a successful relationship.

Factors Why Some People Find Love While Others Don't

People wonder why some couples make it and others don’t. To begin with, why do some people find love and others don’t. Here are the many factors that can contribute to a successful love life that are often overlooked.

Stability
Men can find stability in a woman attractive because they don't want someone who doesn't know how to control her emotional intelligence or issues which may come up in life. Men aren't going to like drama and do like to keep things easy going, so this is why they want a stable partner.

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Attraction is different for everyone
Not only is the opposite sex confused about what the other finds attractive, but each individual is different. Individuals can have unique standards about what they find attractive in the opposite sex, especially about personality traits.

Approval, make him feel accepted
Men are captivated to others who make them feel accepted. Someone who doesn't want too much from him or the way he acts. Someone who doesn't try to change him, or anticipate too much in a relationship. He wants to be relaxed around the woman he spends the rest of his life with.

Independent/ Make him feel desirable
Whether it's; financially, emotionally, or relationally, men can find independence attractive in a woman. Being too needy can be a turn-off. But did we know that being independent can be a turn-on? An independent woman will not only appeal to the men who want a low-maintenance partner, but also puts out the vibe that she's strong and doesn't need him, making him feel that she needs to be pursued.
On the other hand, some women are the opposite. This can also be a turn-on to some men. There are men around who want to take care of their woman, and a more dependent woman can touch his masculine, heroic, loving side.
To be safe if you don't know him yet, display both sides and have a healthy balance of each, not overbearing on either.

Gets along with friends and family
Many times a relationship doesn't just have to do with the couple involved, but with friends and family as well. This can mean that chemistry doesn't just have to do with the two of them, but how well she fits in with friends and family. Where lovers may come and go friends and family are more lasting. So if he has to make a choice between the two, he can sometime pick his friends over her, as they're the more lasting of the two.

Fits into his life-style
Chemistry doesn't always have to do with two individuals, but with his lifestyle. Many factors can come into play, his financial situation, their aspirations, traveling, flexibility, people he associates with, and other factors. Chemistry and attraction doesn't always have to do with two people, but at times has to do with how well they match each other's lifestyle.

The right time in their lives
Timing is everything in life. The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. Love happening is related to the right timing in life. When; professions, feelings, wants, and biological clock's pair just right. Where the both of them met and were looking for love in the right time in their lives, that`s when love will strike.

Luck
Whether it's that they met the right people, or have a lot of connections, luck can now and then be the final factor. Is it luck, or just getting out there and meeting the right people and making yourself as available to meeting as many as possible?

The people you know
Friends and family who have paired them up well could be the factor that made love take place. They could just be fortunate enough that when her friend met the right man for her, she was thinking of matching them together. Most of the time life isn`t about your own abilities, but who you know in life. Getting the word out to your close and trusted friends can help in pairing you up, as they may know just the right man for you.

Looking in the right place
Meeting Mr. Right has to do with seeking in the right places. If the qualities you're attracted to are class, and intellect, then your chances of finding him are better off in a library than in a club. Hang out in places, and join activities where he'll most likely be found. Looking for him in the wrong place is just going to waste your time and could even distract you with the wrong kind of guy.

Don't close doors
Most people don't have the fairy tale love story of love at first sight. Attraction frequently comes over a bit of time. Writing him off as unattractive or putting him in the friend zone too early can be untimely. Most couples are formed from friendships and people spending time together before deciding whether they are attracted to each other or not.

These are the many factors that can participate to love, and questioning why a couple has it won`t necessarily give you the answers that will help you find love. Keep looking, stay upbeat, and keep your hopes up, love will find you soon.

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The Two Ways A Man Withdraws... And How To Stop Him From Pulling Away Forever

CLICK HERE FOR BLACK DATING Pulling away is very common for a man, even in the best of relationships. What matters here is not that the man is pulling away, it's how the woman HANDLES the situation when he does. Because while you can't generally control why he pulls away, you CAN have full control over how you respond to it. Think about that for a minute. You have enormous power in your relationship with a man to steer things in a positive direction... even if he's not "cooperating" with you in any given moment. So Let Me Ask You This... How do you usually respond when a man pulls away? Do you get upset and react out of fear to the problem he's creating?

Or... are you conscious and aware enough to take a moment to make a different choice... a choice that could reconnect you both right away rather than push back when you feel him pulling away?...
A large part of handling this situation with a man actually involves not DOING very much at all. If you've ever heard of the expression "action in inaction," you'll want to keep it in mind here. The concept is that NOT taking action and giving up control of a situation is sometimes the most powerful action you can take.
Why? Because you're allowing events to unfold naturally and you actually get to learn information you can use to then take the necessary action.
Let me show you what I mean in the context of this all-too-common relationship scenario where a man pulls back.

Non-Action 1: Take A Step Back Yourself

When a man who has been showing a lot of interest in you suddenly pulls back, your immediate reaction is probably to launch into "fix it" mode. You might start to worry, ask him what he's thinking and feeling, and generally try to "fix" the situation.
While this might seem like a sensible, proactive thing to do, it usually ends up leaving you frustrated and can actually create more distance between the two of you.
That's because when one person in any interaction becomes the "convincer," the other person will usually resist. It's human nature, and you probably know it all too well from your experience with men. Instead, the best thing you can do is to take the focus off needing to fix the situation and simply allow the space for him to naturally come forward.

Non-Action 2: Identify How He's Withdrawing

Taking a step back also let's you do something else: It gives you a chance to observe him and if his withdrawing is more a pattern of his own rather than a reaction to something specific in your relationship.
There are two ways a man can withdraw. I call them "annoying withdrawal" and "dysfunctional withdrawal."
Annoying withdrawal is when a man pulls back into himself and his own mind for a few minutes or hours and takes space for himself. Sure, he might shut down his feelings and communication, but he doesn't do this for long. He is also able to come out of it and ultimately communicate and allow space for your feelings once he's out of it.
On the other hand, dysfunctional withdrawal does not allow for your feelings. It usually lasts longer and is more isolating and intense. It repeats frequently in response even to seemingly little stresses or things a man isn't capable of handling emotionally, and it does not ultimately allow for the exchange and communication that a real relationship requires.

The Right Kind Of Action That Brings Him Closer

Once you get the first two steps I shared above, there's a simple way to permanently avoid the kind of withdrawal that makes you feel less appreciated or understood by a man.
Here's something interesting about how men work that you probably never thought of. A man falls more DEEPLY in love with you because of the way you handle the important moments in your relationship - in ways other women can't and don't.

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Things You Should Consider Before Moving In

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Creating a successful relationship takes a lot more than believing in Cupid, love, marriage or romance. Instead of blundering blindly through the stages of commitment, you can begin building the solid basis your relationship needs by asking yourself some questions. Here are some to consider before moving in together or making emotional and financial commitments:

1. What is your definition of commitment?
Whether you know it or not, you and your partner are continuously defining your relationship. If you don't know what your relationship means to each of you, you risk repeating past mistakes, getting stuck in uncomfortable roles, or fighting about what a healthy relationship is. Talk about what you mean by words such as relationship, commitment, love, and faithfulness. You'll be amazed by what you learn. 

2. Have you discussed finances?
Next to sex, money is the biggest generator of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples tend to assume that money should be pooled, but it usually isn't that easy. A disparity in income can mean struggling about who pays for what, or whose income determines your lifestyle. Different financial habits (one likes to save, the other spends more, or doesn't keep track) can become a source of argument. For many couples, separating the money makes things run smoother; you don't wind up struggling for control. You can split expenses evenly, or work out a percentage share if your incomes are different. Whatever you do, learn to talk about money in a businesslike manner. 

3. What about household responsibilities?
If you're not yet living together, take a tour of each other's homes. Drastically different decorating styles, neatness, and organization levels can become sources of argument, as can housekeeping and chores. If you have different tastes, it may require a lot of creativity and negotiation to decorate a joint home in a way that makes both of you comfortable. Additionally, think hard before moving into your partner's established home. You may have trouble feeling as if you belong in a home that was previously established by your partner, unless you participate together in reorganizing and redecorating it. 

4. How close are you to family or friends? If one of you has a lot of family or friends, and the other does not, or if you both have big families, find out what those relationships mean. Where will you spend holidays? If there are family members who have problems, such as financial stress, addiction or mental illness, how much will that impact your relationship? 

5. How do you handle anger and other emotions?
We all get upset from time to time. If you are usually good at diffusing each other's anger and being supportive through times of grief or pain, your emotional bond will deepen as time goes on. If your tendency is to react to each other and make the situation more volatile and destructive, you need to correct that problem before you live together. 

6. How do you show love to each other? Talking about which actions and words mean love to you may be surprising. Even if it's hard for you to figure out, discussing how you give and receive love will improve your relationship. You will understand what makes each of you feel loved, and how to express your love effectively. 

7. How well did you discuss these very questions?
Asking yourselves these questions are excellent tests of your ability to define and work out problems. Constructive discussion that leads to a mutually satisfactory solution means you know how to solve problems in your relationship. If not, get counseling before going further. 

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5 Tips to Gain More Self Confidence With Women

Gain More Self Confidence With Women 

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If you’re the shy kind and an introvert, chances are, you’re looking for ways to build self confidence around women. The most common problem which guys have around women is that they believe they’re simply not good enough and that is the root cause of their rejection.
This is because when you’re worried you’re not good enough, you end up projecting a bad self image and which woman would go for a guy who doesn’t think much of himself?
No, I’m not saying you start walking around with your chest sticking out and your shoulders thrown back, women hate over confident men, but you need to project the image that you’re comfortable in your own skin! Here are 5 tips for you to gain self-confidence around women! Armed with these, you simply can’t go wrong!

5 Ground Rules!
1. When you are around girls or the girl of your dreams, you need to learn to relax. Easier said than done I know, but you can try to concentrate on your posture and try relaxing your tense muscles.

2. When you’re going up to her, have no expectations. Don’t expect that she’s going to say yes to you and more importantly, don’t expect that she is going to refuse you!

3. If you’re serious about gaining self-confidence and not just around women, try meditating and practicing yoga for a while every day. Nothing works better than this. This helps you stay in a positive frame of mind and that reflects when you’re talking to women.

4. Whenever you’re around women, instead of thinking about all your bad qualities, think of all your positive attributes, your strengths so to speak. This will make you seem more comfortable and at ease and it is a well-known fact that women like easy-going guys!

5. Lastly, when you are about to approach her, don’t spend endless hours debating whether you should or your shouldn’t. JUST DO IT, before all those negative thoughts come rushing in! The first step is often the hardest to take, but after you do, it becomes easier with every move, so go for it.
Gaining more self-confidence with women is not that hard, you just need to keep a cool head and most importantly, ENJOY her company, rather than mentally deprecate yourself all the time!

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Why Do Some People Try To Get Back With Their Ex?

When a relationship comes to an end it can be an incredibly painful experience. And this doesn’t even need to be a relationship was fulfilling or healthy; as it can be painful no matter how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ it was.
So this means that someone can have the desire to get back with their ex and for the relationship to continue even though this might not be the best option. Logically one might think that if the relationship didn’t work before, then the best option would be to move on.
If the relationship did work before and there didn’t seem to be a reason for it to end, then it is only natural that one would do all they can to get back with their ex. What it comes down to is the fact that an emotional attachment has been made and so, logic or reason can have very little impact.

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Good
When someone is in a relationship that is going well and then out of nowhere it just ends and this could be an abrupt end, it is could make one wonder what happened. They could end up feeling mystified and have no idea why it has come to an end.
And even if they are aware of what wasn’t working, their mind could filter these reasons out. One then only chose to focus on what was right and to ignore what was wrong. If they can think of more positives than negatives, then this is going to cause one to feel even more convinced that it shouldn’t have ended.

Bad
However, if one is in a relationship that is not going well and then before long it comes to an end, it is unlikely to make one wonder what happened. The evidence is going to be there and there is then no confusion as to why is has come to an end.
But just because the evidence is there, it doesn’t mean that one is going to accept it. They might start to idealise the relationship and begin to see what they want to see; instead of what was taking place.

Solutions
And just because the relationship was not working, it won’t necessarily stop someone form trying to get back with their ex. If it was working, then it is to be expected that one would do all they can to restore the relationship.
This is not something one has to do all by themselves either; as there is help available. One can be assisted through reading books, articles and they can have coaching. There are even spell casters out there that offer to reunite people.

A Mutual Choice
When two people are in a relationship, ideally it should be through choice and not through fear or obligation. So if one was to work on themselves in order to get back with their ex, then it is clear that they are not violating another person. And yet, if one was to use control, manipulation and even a ‘spell’, it shows that they are trying to violate another person.
And if this is what is happening, one would need to ask themselves why they want to get back with their ex. If they truly loved or liked the other person, they would want what’s best for them. If this means that they want one to be a part of their life then so be it, but if not, this is something that one will have to accept.

Emotional Attachment
When one has formed an emotional attachment to someone, it is not going to be easy to let go. If this was a relationship that worked, then one is not necessarily going to want to let go. The fact they are attached to them, could be interpreted as a sign that they are meant to be together.
And the same interpretation could be formed even if the relationship was not working; simply because they feel attached to the other person. Letting go can be painful even when the relationship wasn’t work. As a result of having this attachment, it is going to be painful to not have this person around anymore.

Regulation
So for some people this attachment is going to reflect the truth and that is that they are meant to be together. But for others, it is just going to reflect what is going on for them and therefore have nothing to do with the other person or the relationship.
Being with the other person is then a way for them to regulate their emotions and for them to feel better. What the other person wants is then not taken into account and one is being motivated by their own need to feel better. The other person’s needs and wants are then completely disregarded.

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Emotions
And the emotions that one is trying to regulate through being with the other person could relate to the present day relationship and they can also relate to ones childhood years. The present relationship has then triggered trapped emotions from their past and if one is not aware of this, they can end up believing that the other person is causing them.
The other person is then believed to be in control of how they feel and based on this, they are the only ones who can make them feel better. What this would show is that one has become emotionally dependent on the other person.

Awareness
So there is the chance that one is meant to be with their ex and also the chance that they are not. And it will be important for one to reflect on the fact that their ex is an individual who has their own needs and wants.
If one is suffering emotionally, they may need to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer. When one has an emotional build up from their past, it is going to make it difficult for them to see and to think clearly.

Is He Really Your Man? 6 Signs He Doesn’t See You As His Woman

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Let's face it, nothing feels quite like having someone special in your life - a significant other to call your own.
But ask yourself this. Are you making the mistake of assuming you're in a committed relationship with a man you're dating?
The truth is, just because you're dating, enjoying each other's company and sleeping together doesn't necessarily mean he's on the same page when it comes to your involvement.
If you're unsure about where you really stand with a guy, these 6 tell-tale signs can help you determine if he's as committed as you are.
 
1. He Runs Hot and Cold
Does he exhibit unreliable and flaky behavior? This is often a good indicator that he's "shopping around."
If he appears totally into you one minute, then can't remember your name the next, his confusion is probably the result of him entertaining other options.

2. He Never Introduces You As His Girlfriend
If he's introducing you as "a good friend" instead of his "girlfriend," to friends and acquaintances, take note! More than likely, he doesn't view you as "his."

3. He Never Uses Romantic Terms of Endearment
Another tactic a guy may use to keep the relationship from seeming too serious is to use verbiage that conveys he sees his involvement with you as casual.
For example, if he always uses playful, yet neutral nick names such as "Kiddo" and "pal" instead of referring to you as honey, sugar or baby, chances are he doesn't think of you as "his woman."

4. He Only Wants to See You at His Convenience
If your involvement is lopsided and you're only spending time with him on his schedule and on his terms, then more than likely, you're not a priority for him.

5. He Doesn't Invite You to Special Events or Social Engagements
When a man is truly committed to you, he wants you to be involved in some of the activities he enjoys and functions that are important to him.
Not that you have to do everything together, but if he never asks you to come with, odds are pretty good that he doesn't view you as his lady.

6. He's Always "Missing In Action"
If you're constantly unable to reach him or consistently don't hear from him over several hours and even days, it's a pretty safe bet he's seeing other women.
Knowing where you really stand with a guy will not only prevent you from wasting time with a man who isn't ready or interested in something more meaningful; understanding that he may not see your relationship the same way will keep you from feeling betrayed and becoming disappointed and hurt. 

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Realizing that you and he are not a couple also frees you up to avail yourself of other options and is a great way to let a guy know that he's not the only "bull in the stall."
This will get his attention and may even cause him to step up and stop taking you for granted.

Three Things You Should NOT Do When Dating

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Dating is no longer, what it used to be. You also have to realize that your boyfriend or girlfriend had his or her own friends’ priority to meeting you. 

Dating is about learning and exploring the possibilities that exist in a relationship and figuring out if the relationship can move to the next level. You cannot expect your partner to abandon his/her lifestyle to fit in with yours.
 

Here are three things you should not do when dating:
Don't Expect Your Partner to Give Up “Me” Time
Everyone deserves to have some “me” time where he or she relaxes and loosen up after working hard or taking care of business. Do not expect your partner will be around you 24/7. Your partner deserves to have some alone time where he or she can wind down without being disturbed. Every relationship should have time out where each partner can relax without choking the other partner up. 

Do not monitor your partner
Some people are fond of calling their partners up and when he or she does not answer the phone, they press the redial button immediately. Calling your partner too frequently is a sign of desperation (or insecurity) when there is no emergency. Your partner may be at a meeting at work or in-transit and cannot pick up your call. It may also be that your partner wants to have some time alone. Learn to wait for an explanation before charging and jumping to conclusions about his/her whereabouts.
Monitoring your partner’s movements or phone calls is a sign of insecurity. Do not try to sneak and check your partner’s phone every time it rings or ask who is calling. Do not try to be too clingy. It also shows some signs of insecurity. Allow your partner talk to whomever he/she wants to. 

Do not try to change or control your partner
Your insecurities may also push you to want to control your partner and expect him or her to take to your rules. Dating is more like trying on clothes to see which ones will fit you. You cannot try to change someone just to fit into your own ways. You either accept them for who they are along with their flaws or move on to find someone else. Trying to change or control someone is narcissistic and should not be encouraged. You can learn to understand your partner and work together to figure out how best to improve on your communication and relationship while building into one another.

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If you find anything wrong, it is best to bring it to your partner’s attention by having an amiable conversation than an intense argument. It is okay to let your partner know about your fears (if any) and you both work at it together. Relationships are not rocket-science. It takes two people who know and understand each other while dating to make a relationship work.
Dating is all about trying to figure each other out, ensuring you both share values and are compatible. You also trust, love and are committed to each other. Your partner’s time should be valued as well as yours and respect each other’s space. The more you give your partner the space needed and build on each other, the deeper you give room for your relationship to thrive.