5 Tips To Help You Find A Serious Relationship Online

Have you been online dating for a long time and just can’t seem to keep a man interested for more than a few weeks at a time? If this is the case for you, do not worry; you are far from alone in having this problem. One of the most difficult parts of meeting men online is that men have access to hundreds of women every single time they sign on the computer. Not only does this create way too many options for men, but it also encourages bad behavior, and can even create somewhat of an online dating addiction for men, as they consistently strive to find that next big thing.

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In order to find the type of quality guy online that we know is not going to fall into these habits, one has to be on the look out for certain signs that make it much more likely he is looking for a serious relationship. While there is no way we can guarantee he is not one of those dreaded serial daters, looking for certain signs may help us to severely decrease our chances of this happening. So let’s take a look at a few clues that will help you to week out the worst men, and choose the best.

1. The length of his online dating profile.
The length of a man’s profile will reveal a lot about who he is, and what he is all about. If you stumble across a man’s profile that looks as if it took ten minutes to fill out, odds are he is not that serious about finding a meaningful connection. Those who are interested in finding something meaningful will take the time to carefully express everything they are looking for, in order to provided themselves with the best possible chance of online dating success. And besides, even if he is serious about finding a relationship, but has a short profile, this is still an indicator that he may be lazy and have little drive in other aspects of his life.

2. The types of pictures he has posted.
The written portion of the profile is not the only part of the profile that tells the story of what the man is all about. As the old saying often goes, a picture can easily be worth a thousand words, and then some. If you are looking at a man who is partying it up in every single picture, acting over the top silly in every single picture, or a guy who is with random different women in every single pictures, then there is a good chance that you are dealing with a man who is still on the immature side, and is not even close to being ready for a serious relationship. Avoid this at all costs.

3. The amount of times he logs on.
If you notice that a man is consistently logging on to the dating site you are on, even after your first date, odds are that he is not looking to settle down with you anytime soon. This is especially true when It occurs weeks later. In order to know whether or not he is logging on all the time, be sure to block your profile from views before actually spying on him. Many sites will allow you to make it private when you view somebody else’s profile. The last thing that we want to do is have the man thinking we are stalkers when we are merely just curious about whether or not he has the right intentions with us.

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You Didn't Break - The Relationship Broke Up

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How soon can I heal after a break up?
This is a major setback and it really does depend on several factors.
After a breakup, you really have two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process. 

The first method will take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. 

You may need some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing. We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a successfully proven method for emotional healing.

You can heal but how you heal depends on:

1. You ability to understand the reality of the situation.
The more willing you are to face up to some facts such as a. I made a mistake or made a wrong choice. This excludes blaming yourself.

2. I am responsible to clear this mess (this excludes fault-finding!)

3. The willingness to clear up the mess it would involve something from me. Time, energy, resources and emotional reserves, even relationships etc…
But this is an opportunity cost, meaning: I must be ready to either pay this price or pass on a bigger mess to my children, to my future, and my destiny.

4. Know yourself! When you are AWARE of your own emotional reactions, your thoughts around the experience and the interpretations that you made and the conclusions YOU make then you can through the emotional upheavals still be able to catch yourself, re-channel your thoughts and take action eventually based on reality and never your hurt feelings.

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Romance is Not Necessarily Love

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 In romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real incarnation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid’s dart and you can readily believe that love will never work for you.

Even if you take responsibility for your own life in most ways and successfully handle most work and social situations, when it comes to intimate relationships you may feel helpless and out of control. You may find yourself inexplicably obsessing on someone who isn't available or interested, or even feeling so needy and helpless that you are unable to protect yourself when you are criticized, abused or degraded. It’s a very painful experience when a romantic relationship with the partner whom you hope and expect will provide you with love, joy and fulfillment of our dreams turns into a miserable, disappointing and dismal failure.

A Dependent Image of Love
When it comes to love, it’s easy to forget how to think clearly, because we have all been bombarded with images that imply love and dependency are the same thing:
• Lovers should depend on each other to supply their needs, to take care of them and “make it better”,
• Lovers should need each other “You are my happiness, I'd die without you”
• Lovers are incomplete without each other, and that two should “become one”—losing their individual personalities, friends, interests and opinions in the process.
This dependent image of love has been reinforced for generations of songs, poetry, plays, books, movies and television soap operas that have celebrated a dependent model of romantic relationships that contains neediness, desperation and the idea that only love (from a perfect partner) can make life better. This “ideal lover” is supposed to:
• Love you no matter how unreasonable you are,
• Always be there when you want or need him or her,
• Always know exactly how to sooth your hurts,
• Always know (and be prepared to give you) precisely what you want (even if you’re not sure yourself), and
• Put your needs before his or her own needs.
This “romantic” image of love sounds good, but although it seems exciting and fulfilling at first, such a relationship cannot flourish. Since no one else can ever care for you as well as you can yourself (they can't know your needs and wants as well as you do, they can't tell what their care-taking feels like to you, and they also have their hands full with their own needs), one or both of you will wind up feeling ripped off, used, neglected, unloved, and generally dissatisfied.
The romantic ideal creates dysfunctional relationships, in which the ground rules are:
• You can't talk about it (it might upset the other person),
• It's hopeless (since you can’t talk about it, you can't solve it together), and
• We're both helpless (we can’t control our own behavior, or outbursts of anger, or make effective choices).

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Don't Make The Same Mistake Twice!

Dating Again? Use These Five Tips On Every Date!

You are fresh out of a disaster, and you are terrified of the thought of dating again, but you're going to try anyway. Good for you! Here are some guidelines to help you avoid repeating old mistakes:

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1. Pay Attention!
You Have Things to Learn Here! The most important aspect of this date, in addition to having a good time, is to get to know each other better. No matter how excited, turned on or thrilled you may be about this date, listening to what your date says, watching what your date does and understanding how your date feels are still your primary objectives.

2. What Your Date Thinks of You Is Not Your Business.
Your Business Is What You Think of Your Date. One of the easiest ways to lose your objectivity and balance in this is to worry about what your date thinks about you. If you spend your time essentially trying to look at yourself through your date's eyes, guessing what he or she is seeing when looking at you, or hearing when listening to you, you'll miss what's really happening. You're supposed to be evaluating the other person, not pretending to look at yourself through his or her eyes. Pay attention so you know what YOU think of your date.

3. Look for Integrity.
Make sure your date walks his or her talk. Anyone can talk big. Actually, some of the best people don't present themselves well. Don't overlook someone who is not gorgeous, charming and glib, but has all the qualities you really need in a partner.

4. Be very consistent and careful about your sexual safety.
Until the relationship progresses to the point that you become monogamous, and both have been tested for STD's, be careful. The nicest people can be infected with a disease and not even know they have it. If you have had unprotected sex, have your doctor do a screening for STD's. Don't assume your partner is monogamous, especially if you haven't discussed it in detail.

5. Know the signs of emotional blackmail:
A demand: Your date won't take "no" for an answer, and requests are really demands.
Resistance: When every discussion turns into an argument.
Pressure: Your date pressures you to go along.
Threats: Your date uses threatening or coercing tactics: threatening to end the relationship, tears, rage, badgering. Hopefully, because you've thought about the serious issues in advance, you'll still be able to relax and have a good time.  If it's so good, that you decide to keep dating each other. Then, you'll need a whole new set of skills.

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Get The Loving Relationship That You Want And Deserve

Successful living begins with loving, passionate relationships that are mutually beneficial to both partners. Many people "settle" for just any relationship and never get the love they want and deserve.
If you want a loving, passionate relationship with that special someone, then you have to be willing give more of yourself unconditionally to get the rewarding marriage you want and deserve. Zig Ziglar said it best when he said, You can have everything you want if you help others get what they want.
Many people measure their success in life by the loving relationships that they have with their spouse or significant other. When a person finds that special someone in their life, they find new meaning and purpose.

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Almost all successful, loving marriages begin with a strong chemical and hormonal bond, but that is only the beginning. That chemical component is a very good start, but it is not the only ingredient for developing a deep, meaningful relationship. Lasting relationships are based on love, trust, friendship, values, goals and so much more.
Having a successful life is impossible unless you have happy, healthy relationships. Strong, life-long marriages begin with the understanding that there must be give and take with the other person. You must give to them and they must, in turn, give back to you. Likewise, you must be willing to receive from each other.
One person can not do all of the giving and one do all of the receiving. I promise you if this is happening in a marriage, then this relationship is headed for failure and, possibly, worse because this is the makings of an abusive relationship, not a healthy one. And if you are in an abusive relationship, then you need to get out of it now. Take action to get control of all aspects of your life.
Effective marriages require each person to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent to their relationship. Assuming that our spouse completely understands our needs and will give us what we need without asking for it is not a good practice.
Respect is the key to any relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, spouses must treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to our husband and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to your husband by confirming that they are doing everything they can. Affirming our mate is something that is greatly overlooked and ignored by many couples.
The opposite of respect is making quick judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice. Respect is the very foundation for a great marriage. This also means respecting yourself and respecting your mate and their feelings.

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Listen to your spouse when they are sharing the important things from their day. By effectively listening and not pre-judging their comments, we show them that we care about them and what they do. This is important if married couples are to understand each other.
Just as important as listening itself is developing an atmosphere where each of you can safely express their feelings when they need to. When spouses fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective, productive relationship. Be open to one another and you will find you will enjoy a deeper, more meaningful life together.
Focus your time and energy on building a very happy, fulfilling relationship with your mate. Start by giving more of yourself each day and watch the return you get back from them. Get the love that you want, by giving your partner the love that they desire.

Fear Of Letting Go Of A Bad Relationship

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Do you find yourself stuck in a bad relationship?
By bad I mean one that feels empty, where there are no feelings of intimacy or love, where there is emotional or physical abuse and so on.
One of the main reasons that individuals remain caught in such unsatisfying or abusive relationships is due to the "fear of letting go".


This fear often may have many underlying roots to it. For instance there may be:
1. A fear of being alone.
2. A fear of feeling a deep sense of emptiness.
3. A fear that no one else will ever love you.
4. A fear of taking full responsibility for your life and/or looking after yourself.
5. A need to try to perpetuate some past abusive relationship in the current one.
6. A need to distract one's self from painful feelings that may emerge when the distraction of the current relationship is gone.
7. A fear that one will decompensate or fragment emotionally and/or physically.
Clearly the fact that the relationship is not working is a sign of concern. More concerning however is feeling incapable of exercising a free choice to leave it when all measures to rectify the situation have failed.
The factors mentioned above often are the result of traumatic relational experiences that you have stored in your mind/body and which originate in early childhood.
What is important for you to know is that such experiences limit your ability to have a fulfilling and satisfying life.
Many individuals seek out therapy of one sort or another to lessen the impact of such life history on their relationships but find that even after all is said and done this toxicity is still held deep inside them.

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If you look at how it feels to recall any negative memory, even one that you may have worked on in therapy I think you will recognize that there are always negative feelings and/or negative feelings about yourself associated with it.  These feelings will always limit you in your relational life.

Stop Being Needy and Start Making Self Respecting Choices

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 Do you know that neediness hijacks the mind and causes one to make choices based on feelings of insecurity, fears of being abandoned or rejected, jealousy, etc.? Do you know this not only makes one feel and appear unattractive it also leaves them feeling out of control and unable to discern whether their choices are actually good ones?
Do you know that means a "needy" person is not in control of themselves or the kind partners they seem to repeatedly find themselves with? Do you know that the only type of person who is willing to accept a needy person is "another" needy person?
Do you know that means needy individuals invariably find themselves in unhealthy relationships that only disappoint and re-traumatise? So is there a way out of this trap? Absolutely!
The way out of this may both astonish and create scepticism so I ask that you be patient and open to what follows because it may be the only thing between where you are now and the possibility of ever realising a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
The way out is to a) realise that neediness is not a normal or natural human trait and b) to totally delete it from within.
Now until you are able to realise the above it will be essentially impossible to accept that it is in fact the truth.

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For instance the need for:
Love, Validation, Acceptance, Appreciation, Intimacy, Care taking, Understanding, Attention, Etc. are responsible for what many refer to as co-dependent relationship patterns.
Individuals who harbour such (and other related) needs are not "whole" rather they find themselves feeling deficient and "in need" of those qualities. The problem is that they have been made to believe that those qualities reside in and can only be supplied to them by others.
As I think you can see this leaves them in a dependent and desperate position where they are constantly having to secure someone else's presence, attention, love, understanding, validation, etc. simply in order to feel momentarily secure and content.
The key word there is "momentary" because as soon as the other must attend to something else the person in question immediately returns to feeling insecure, anxious, etc.
So what does this person tend to do? Well, resort to desperate behaviours that often involve needy, controlling and manipulative strategies to get the other person back.
This is what many refer to as "addictive" behaviours.

So how sustainable and attractive are such strategies?
So if I have convinced you that neediness is both destructive and self destructive and you would like to take the first step to becoming a free, whole and self sufficient person then simply place one hand over your Heart, and as if you are speaking from there simply repeat the following to yourself:
"I recognise that neediness in any form is destructive to me and my relationships and I want in my Heart to begin to wake up from this trance of neediness, become a free, empowered, emotionally independent, self sufficient and whole person."
Now take a moment and reflect on how you are feeling inside.  Although this is only an initial exercise in empowerment often individuals are surprised by feelings emerging from within that they can't explain.  For instance one might begin to feel some of the following: an expansion in the chest area, feelings of peace, quiet, stillness, lightness, joy, relief, fullness, clarity, strength, resilience, etc.
If you feel any of the above and you like this kindly affirm it to yourself again as if you are speaking from the Heart and it will grow stronger.
This is the experience of greater consciousness, wakefulness, presence, discernment and inner truth surging up within you. It is the source of clarity and self trust that supports one in all positive self respecting decisions.
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Mistakes You Shouldn't Make After a Breakup

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We all lose someone we love at some point. People come in and come out of our lives from time to time. In some cases, you can say that a break up results in the same feelings as the death of someone you love. The process of grieving the loss of a relationship can be quite similar. Many people don't know how to cope with a break up especially if it is their first relationship. While letting yourself grieve is important, there are some tips that you should know about how to go on after a breakup. If you are wondering how to pull the pieces of your life back together then following are some mistakes you should be sure to avoid:

1 - Contacting your ex all the time. This will only cause your ex to run away and sabotage any chances of you becoming friends after the relationship. Also, it may take longer for you to heal if you maintain contact, since you'll also be exposing yourself to the drama of constantly hearing news about your ex (or their new partner).

2 - Spending more than your means. Lots of people think that buying new stuff will help with the depression. This actually doesn't do anything to help with the grieving process. It only distracts you from what you are truly feeling and drains your bank account.

3 - Eating too much. Although it may make you feel better for a while, food is never the answer to depression. And an expanding waistline will only make you feel worse.

4 - Starting to drink, smoke or take up any vices. These vices only provide temporary relief for yourself. However, these habits could only do worse as they lead to health complications or addictions overtime.

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5 - Befriending people who are not supportive. When we lose our self-esteem, we tend to hang around with people who only damage our confidence further. This is the worst way to handle the situation. What you need right now are positive people who can bring back your self confidence.

6 - Seeing someone else. This is the biggest mistake people usually make. You've only broke up last week and you already think you are ready to start something new? You're moving too fast when what you need right now is some time off.

Surviving a break up can be very traumatic. In fact, lots of people don't know how to go on after a break up and find themselves struggling. It may be one of the hardest things you've done in your life. If this is the case, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Many have gone through the experience and lived to tell the tale. You might even learn a few things as you allow yourself the time to grieve. Start being happy with yourself again. You know that you can always trust yourself. Don't be too tough on yourself during this time. Give yourself time and you will find healing.

3 Easy Steps To Help You Be More Outgoing

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How to be more outgoing has a lot to do with your environment. You’ll find that if you’re shy and socially awkward you’ll quite often be in environments that are probably low-key and something you’re familiar with. It can get very uncomfortable when you throw yourself into places like clubs and parties where you don’t know how to fit in. And quite often you’ll find very outgoing people hanging around in these places.
If you learn how to be more outgoing it feels like an open ticket to just about any social environment, it’s incredibly easy to fit in afterwards. The reason you’re not comfortable in the party and club scene is because you probably stay away from it.
It’s a matter of getting familiar in that environment.
So your job is to surround yourself in these places whenever you can. You’ll see it’s easier to orient yourself as you go out more and more and confidence is built because it doesn’t feel foreign anymore.
Yeah I get it, it’s daunting and intimidating just going through this process but remember the key on how to be more outgoing is FAMILIARITY.

Fortunately there are 3 steps that will make this process much easier for you:.

Step 1
The first thing I want you to do is get yourself a wing-man.
In the dating world a wing-man is someone who helps you out while you’re trying to get a woman’s phone number. But in this case the purpose of your wing-man is to go to social events with you. Ideally he’s just as shy or introverted as you are and wants to change that.

Step 2
Go to social events with your wing-man whether it’s parties, clubs or wherever. Make it a habit, so this time if you’re feeling intimidated or left out at parties you’re not alone.

Step 3
Start conversations together. Go up to people you want to speak to and say something. When they respond to what you said make sure it’s your wing-man who responds back. And this rolls into a natural group dynamic with a simple yet effective conversation technique.
You’ll find that how to be more outgoing is less daunting when you use the first 3 Steps. As you do it more often your confidence begins to grow.

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