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Let's face it, nothing feels quite like having someone special in your life - a significant other to call your own.
But ask yourself this. Are you making the mistake of assuming you're in a committed relationship with a man you're dating?
The truth is, just because you're dating,
enjoying each other's company and sleeping together doesn't necessarily
mean he's on the same page when it comes to your involvement.
If you're unsure about where you really stand with a guy, these 6
tell-tale signs can help you determine if he's as committed as you are.
1. He Runs Hot and Cold
Does he exhibit unreliable and flaky behavior? This is often a good indicator that he's "shopping around."
If he appears totally into you one minute, then can't remember your
name the next, his confusion is probably the result of him entertaining
other options.
2. He Never Introduces You As His Girlfriend
If he's introducing you as "a good friend" instead of his
"girlfriend," to friends and acquaintances, take note! More than likely,
he doesn't view you as "his."
3. He Never Uses Romantic Terms of Endearment
Another tactic a guy may use to keep the relationship from seeming
too serious is to use verbiage that conveys he sees his involvement with
you as casual.
For example, if he always uses playful, yet neutral nick names such
as "Kiddo" and "pal" instead of referring to you as honey, sugar or
baby, chances are he doesn't think of you as "his woman."
4. He Only Wants to See You at His Convenience
If your involvement is lopsided and you're only spending time with
him on his schedule and on his terms, then more than likely, you're not a
priority for him.
5. He Doesn't Invite You to Special Events or Social Engagements
When a man is truly committed to you, he wants you to be involved in
some of the activities he enjoys and functions that are important to
him.
Not that you have to do everything together, but if he never asks you
to come with, odds are pretty good that he doesn't view you as his
lady.
6. He's Always "Missing In Action"
If you're constantly unable to reach him or consistently don't hear
from him over several hours and even days, it's a pretty safe bet he's
seeing other women.
Knowing where you really stand with a guy will not only prevent you
from wasting time with a man who isn't ready or interested in something
more meaningful; understanding that he may not see your relationship the
same way will keep you from feeling betrayed and becoming disappointed
and hurt.
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Realizing that you and he are not a couple also frees you up to avail
yourself of other options and is a great way to let a guy know that
he's not the only "bull in the stall."
This will get his attention and may even cause him to step up and stop taking you for granted.
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Dating is no
longer, what it used to be. You also have to realize that your boyfriend
or girlfriend had his or her own friends’ priority to meeting you.
Dating is about learning
and exploring the possibilities that exist in a relationship and
figuring out if the relationship can move to the next level. You cannot
expect your partner to abandon his/her lifestyle to fit in with yours.
Here are three things you should not do when dating:
Don't Expect Your Partner to Give Up “Me” Time
Everyone deserves to have some “me” time where he or she relaxes and
loosen up after working hard or taking care of business. Do not expect
your partner will be around you 24/7. Your partner deserves to have some
alone time where he or she can wind down without being disturbed. Every
relationship should have time out where each partner can relax without
choking the other partner up.
Do not monitor your partner
Some people are fond of calling their partners up and when he or she
does not answer the phone, they press the redial button immediately.
Calling your partner too frequently is a sign of desperation (or
insecurity) when there is no emergency. Your partner may be at a meeting
at work or in-transit and cannot pick up your call. It may also be that
your partner wants to have some time alone. Learn to wait for an
explanation before charging and jumping to conclusions about his/her
whereabouts.
Monitoring your partner’s movements or phone calls is a sign of
insecurity. Do not try to sneak and check your partner’s phone every
time it rings or ask who is calling. Do not try to be too clingy. It
also shows some signs of insecurity. Allow your partner talk to whomever
he/she wants to.
Do not try to change or control your partner
Your insecurities may also push you to want to control your partner and expect him or her to take to your rules. Dating
is more like trying on clothes to see which ones will fit you. You
cannot try to change someone just to fit into your own ways. You either
accept them for who they are along with their flaws or move on to find
someone else. Trying to change or control someone is narcissistic and
should not be encouraged. You can learn to understand your partner and
work together to figure out how best to improve on your communication
and relationship while building into one another.
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If you find anything wrong, it is best to bring it to your partner’s
attention by having an amiable conversation than an intense argument. It
is okay to let your partner know about your fears (if any) and you both
work at it together. Relationships are not rocket-science. It takes two
people who know and understand each other while dating to make a relationship work.
Dating is all about trying to figure each other out, ensuring you
both share values and are compatible. You also trust, love and are
committed to each other. Your partner’s time should be valued as well as
yours and respect each other’s space. The more you give your partner
the space needed and build on each other, the deeper you give room for
your relationship to thrive.
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During life, we all seek to know someone well enough to feel love
and be loved; we seek to connect and be a part of another person's life.
When we look for love, sometimes we are looking for a lot more than
love itself. We are not just looking for someone to be with, but we are
also looking to fulfill everything we need in life. We want
understanding, someone by our side; we want companionship, sentiment,
and all the desired characteristics we find attractive and need in
another person. Love has a big list to fill, or so we think so.
Finding love can be a lot easier when we let go of all that we think we need because love can be enough all by itself.
It is when we get distracted by our other needs that we forget or even
overlook the love that is or can be there, for finding love isn’t about
finding the criteria we think we need in another person. Love is more
than our list of what we want. Love, true love, can be in a very
different from what we would ordinarily find attractive or essential to
our needs. Imagine if you were more open and aware of what your true
needs were and instead looked from this place? Imagine if you let go of
all you think you need in order to fall in love with someone? By
letting go of your agenda of what love is and needs to be, you can feel
love for the sake of love. If you let go of how it must be, you can
feel it from a more pure place.
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We may not even see the love that is available to us because of our biased idea of how it must be for us.
True love, the person that really fits us, does not always come in the
package we deem essential. If you let go of your idea of the perfect
match, the perfect love, and allowed yourself just to feel and be open,
who would you see? What person in your life have you overlooked simply
because they didn’t fit in with your idea of the perfect mate? What
relationship are you stuck in because you believe this is what love
should be, even if you don’t feel it? Love can come from the most
unexpected places. Do not keep yourself stuck in a loveless
relationship because you think it is ideal and fits with your
expectations. Do not ignore the possibilities based on your assumptions
of what this other person may or may not be. Open yourself up to
everything around you and lose your criteria for love. Love encompasses
more than you think, and it can overshadow all you have ever known so
far. Let yourself find love by escaping from what you think love is.
Open up to love with no ideas of how it has to be. When you do this,
finding love is a lot easier, for you give yourself a chance to find the
love you are meant to be with.
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What is the Fun Aspect in your relationship? Couples have the
tendency to become complacent in their relationship including the fun
aspect of their relating. This is traumatic to the relationship as it
stifles its energy flow creating a numb, stuck and disconnect feel and
dissatisfied partners.
Regardless of your relationship stage, it is imperative that you have
fun with your partner. Your brain and body chemistry change when you
have fun together. This engenders and supports bonding and
connectedness. Partnership fun creates positive and loving energy in
your in-between that creates aliveness, passion, and intimacy. There are other countless benefits to having fun as well – like strengthening your immune system and more.
What is your Personal Fun Aspect? Do you know how to relax and have
fun? What is fun for you? What is surprising, exhilarating, hilarious?
What type of humor do you have? What do you find silly, amusing, funny?
What makes you laugh? Do you banter, tease, joke? Do you do pranks? Do
you play sports or
games? What activities do you enjoy doing? How physical do they get? Do
you clown around, horseplay? Are you in touch with your body? What gives
you pleasure, delight, joy? Exploring these questions for yourself will
give you some insights into what you bring to your relationship fun.
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Are you in need of expanding your Personal Fun Aspect and being
more open-minded, flexible, engaging? This is an opportunity for you to
stretch yourself and expand your repertoire. This practice will assist
you integrate this potentially lost, denied or disowned part of your
self. Start becoming whole again and feel your aliveness – engage your
potential!
Can you imagine the benefits to your relationship, and your life,
when you start doing this? It’s amazing! Now, be cautious at the same
time because you might throw your partner off and they might be
resistant to the new you. Mindfully share this part of you. There is no
need to spook your partner – invite them into the fun!
Online dating... it's a love hate relationship isn't it? I'm sure you've heard of all the horror stories about online dating...
girls being cheated, men spamming your inboxes and men who just want
to have fun... and I don't blame you for freaking out after hearing so
many horror stories.
I know you will want to try it out if you are new to the dating
scene or if you haven't been dating for a while. And going out to meet
new people isn't exactly your cup of tea right now. I understand... it's
scary to suddenly get out of your comfort zone and go out there and be
vulnerable. So, if you put on some pants and get out there, you will
increase your chances of meeting your MR. Right. But that's not say
online dating can't work for you.
Think about this... If you as an eligible woman who is
kind and gentle submitting your details to these dating sites, do you
there will be eligible men who are nice and sincere submitting their
details to these dating sites as well? Your chances are pretty high don't you think?
That being said, why is the success rate for online dating sites so low?
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First of all, if your impression of online dating site is on the
negative side and you think that all the men on those sites are out to
cheat or they are not serious then naturally that will be your
experience because that's what you belief and focus on.
Because that's your perception, then even if a nice guy contacted
you, you'll doubt his intentions and you end up self sabotaging
yourself.
Secondly, if you are someone who judges a lot on the physical, the
men you attract will also judge you on the physical. The same principle
applies to dating agencies. They match you based on the superficial
level.... how he looks, what's his job (tittle), how much he makes....
How can you make online dating work for you... while you are in your PJS...?
Get rid of the mindset that all the men on the dating sites are jerks. If you feel so, don't bother participating.
Get clear on WHY you want to participate on the dating site. i.e. To make new friends.
Your profile picture should be one that is able to show the real you. No bikini photo.
Write your profile truthfully. You don't want to attract the "wrong" kind of men.
Send out good and positive vibes and expect success.
Be clear on one thing, if you haven't been dating for a while
now, you may get all excited about going on your first date and lose
yourself. Going on dates doesn't mean you have to pretend to
be someone you are not to impress the guy. The purpose of these dates is
to get to know the guy better and get clear on what you want and what
you don't want. If he ain't the right one... move on....
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There Are Four Steps. Are You Doing All Of Them?
Are you and your partner having a tough time getting over an argument? Here are some tips to help.
1. Surrender to your responsibility.
When you become aware that you have made a mistake, admit it and
apologize. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You don’t have to
be afraid of punishment or rejection –- apologizing makes it easier to
be forgiven.
2. Don’t be afraid to admit you're wrong.
This fear comes from a culture of blaming and accusing -- where your early family
or schoolmates may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong,
and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the
hurt. Don’t approach every situation as if you're on trial, and don’t
compulsively try to convince everyone you're not guilty. Apology and
subsequent forgiveness
is stress-releasing, and healthy for the relationship, which turns out
to be healthy for the participants in the relationship. Relationships
which include healthy apology and forgiveness are less stressful, more supportive, and therefore healthier for the individuals within them.
3. Follow the following pattern for apology:
Admit your mistake: Speak directly to the person to whom you need to apologize.
State what you did (so the person knows you’re aware)
Say you’re sorry
Do a re-take: Describe what change you’ll make to fix it, and so it won’t happen again
Say “I hope you can forgive me.”
4. If that doesn’t work, ask the other person what he or she wants
you to apologize for (in case you misunderstood your mistake).
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If you really stop and think about it you might still have a
difficult time figuring out why women dump men. That's because many men
still find women to be a huge mystery. It's part of their charm most of
the time but in moments like these can be the bane of your existence.
The good news is that women are not as difficult to figure out as you've
been taught they are.
They really only want one thing from you: an abundance
of appreciation. She works hard to make your life run smoothly. She
does the dishes, cooks your meals, washes your clothes, folds your
socks, and even cleans your bathroom. In fact, she does many of these
things so well you might not even notice that she's doing them.
That's when the trouble starts. She doesn't realize that by not
noticing these things it's actually a compliment to her (because we all
know you'd notice if dinner wasn't getting made or your lunches weren't
getting packed every morning). I bet she even sets the coffee pot so
that you have a nice piping hot cup of much needed caffeine every
morning. Have you told her how much you appreciate all these little
things she does that makes your life easier? If not, give it a try and watch how quickly everything about her just
lights up and glows. She does this for you. She wants to make you
happy. That makes her happy. All she really needs in return is for her
efforts to be noticed and appreciated.
Some men mistake this for high maintenance but she does a lot in
return for the appreciation she's asking for. It's a fair trade unless
you really want to mate your own socks, cook your own meals, and clean
your own toilets for the rest of your life. The reason I say this is
that all women want to be appreciated for these little things and that
lack of appreciation is one of the major reasons why women dump men. It
will eventually become a bone of contention in all your relationships if
you don't master it early and learn it well.
Brownie Points
Do you want to know how to score a few extra special brownie points
in the appreciation department? She'll be speechless and feel so loved
when you do this. Offer to do all these things for her for one day while
she goes out and gets her nails or hair done. Give her a day off and
you take on the jobs she does for you all the time. You might even get
tears of joy, a lot of respect, and some very personal adoration from
her as a result.
Knowing why women dump men can help you avoid this situation. Now
that you know what she needs, what are you going to do to make sure she
gets it?
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Men who seduce women are not setting a trap, they are presenting an
opportunity. Either way, the man is the bait and the result is the same
in the end. You can by a book or study a website that teaches you how to
seduce women, but in the end, it is all up to you.
Do you want to know how to seduce women? Be yourself. Be attentive.
Be the kind of man that women want to be with. Who are those guys? They
are just like you, only better at seduction.
A man who successfully seduces women is sure of himself. He doesn’t
need female companionship, though he does desire it, the same way a
woman desires male companionship. A seductive man is assured, he has
everything he needs, but he realizes he needs a little something more.
He needs good company. He needs a woman the way a woman needs a man. He
doesn’t assert his need, but he lets a lady know he is available.
A seductive man is open to listening. He is open to touching. He is
open to letting his lady companion express herself. He pays attention.
He doesn’t direct the conversation, he follows the flow, adding his
insights and commiserating when appropriate. A seductive man has open
ears and open eyes. When the moment is ripe, a man with seduction on his
mind holds his lady friend’s hand. He touches her arm. He touches her
cheek. He watches the woman’s reaction. When she has had enough he
withdraws. When she feels the thrill is over, a seductive man doesn’t
press the issue. He waits for the next opportunity. Seduction is a
series of steps, one moment at a time.
A seductive man is himself. He has a life and he is successful at
what he does, even if it is being a night clerk at a convenience store.
Not every man can be a high-powered attorney, an influential politician,
or a popular celebrity. Attractive women know this. Chances are, the
woman you are trying to seduce is none of these things, either. Just be
good and content at what you do. Women respect a man who is sure of
himself and his abilities. An auto mechanic can be the best lover. He
knows how moving parts fit together.
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When a man seduces a woman, he appeals to her natural inclinations.
He studies her. He learns what she likes, what turns her on and what
turns her off, what makes her blush and what puts a spark in her eye.
The seductive man sets off sparks whenever he can. When a man seduces a
woman he follows her lead without taking control, though he steers
conversations and he makes himself available to the woman’s needs.
Nothing is more electric than touch. A seductive man is not overly
eager to kiss or to hug, but he does it when it is appropriate, and he
does it with a purpose. He does it to set off sparks. If the moment
isn’t right, a seductive man doesn’t overstay his welcome. Always keep
them wanting more. When in doubt, defer or cut it short. She'll tell you
if she wants more. There is always tomorrow. Seduction can be a long
enticing dance.
Have you been online dating for a long time and just can’t seem to
keep a man interested for more than a few weeks at a time? If this is
the case for you, do not worry; you are far from alone in having this
problem. One of the most difficult parts of meeting men online is that
men have access to hundreds of women every single time they sign on the
computer. Not only does this create way too many options for men, but
it also encourages bad behavior, and can even create somewhat of an
online dating addiction for men, as they consistently strive to find that next big thing.
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In order to find the type of quality guy online that we know is not going to fall into these habits,
one has to be on the look out for certain signs that make it much more
likely he is looking for a serious relationship. While there is no way
we can guarantee he is not one of those dreaded serial daters, looking
for certain signs may help us to severely decrease our chances of this
happening. So let’s take a look at a few clues that will help you to
week out the worst men, and choose the best.
1. The length of his online dating profile.
The length of a man’s profile will reveal a lot about who he is, and
what he is all about. If you stumble across a man’s profile that looks
as if it took ten minutes to fill out, odds are he is not that serious
about finding a meaningful connection. Those who are interested in
finding something meaningful will take the time to carefully express
everything they are looking for, in order to provided themselves with
the best possible chance of online dating
success. And besides, even if he is serious about finding a
relationship, but has a short profile, this is still an indicator that
he may be lazy and have little drive in other aspects of his life.
2. The types of pictures he has posted.
The written portion of the profile is not the only part of the
profile that tells the story of what the man is all about. As the old
saying often goes, a picture can easily be worth a thousand words, and
then some. If you are looking at a man who is partying it up in every
single picture, acting over the top silly in every single picture, or a
guy who is with random different women in every single pictures, then
there is a good chance that you are dealing with a man who is still on
the immature side, and is not even close to being ready for a serious
relationship. Avoid this at all costs.
3. The amount of times he logs on.
If you notice that a man is consistently logging on to the dating
site you are on, even after your first date, odds are that he is not
looking to settle down with you anytime soon. This is especially true
when It occurs weeks later. In order to know whether or not he is
logging on all the time, be sure to block your profile from views before
actually spying on him. Many sites will allow you to make it private
when you view somebody else’s profile. The last thing that we want to
do is have the man thinking we are stalkers when we are merely just
curious about whether or not he has the right intentions with us.
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How soon can I heal after a break up?
This is a major setback and it really does depend on several factors.
After a breakup, you really have two choices. One, leave the healing
to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process.
The first method will
take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and
torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to
accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to
find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before.
You may need
some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing.
We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through
an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a
successfully proven method for emotional healing.
You can heal but how you heal depends on:
1. You ability to understand the reality of the situation.
The more willing you are to face up to some facts such as a. I made a
mistake or made a wrong choice. This excludes blaming yourself.
2. I am responsible to clear this mess (this excludes fault-finding!)
3. The willingness to clear up the mess it would involve something from
me. Time, energy, resources and emotional reserves, even relationships
etc…
But this is an opportunity cost, meaning: I must be ready to either pay
this price or pass on a bigger mess to my children, to my future, and my
destiny.
4. Know yourself! When you are AWARE of your
own emotional reactions, your thoughts around the experience and the
interpretations that you made and the conclusions YOU make then you can
through the emotional upheavals still be able to catch yourself,
re-channel your thoughts and take action eventually based on reality and
never your hurt feelings.
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