17 July 2014

Fear Of Letting Go Of A Bad Relationship


Do you find yourself stuck in a bad relationship?
By bad I mean one that feels empty, where there are no feelings of intimacy or love, where there is emotional or physical abuse and so on.
One of the main reasons that individuals remain caught in such unsatisfying or abusive relationships is due to the "fear of letting go".

This fear often may have many underlying roots to it. For instance there may be:
1. A fear of being alone.
2. A fear of feeling a deep sense of emptiness.
3. A fear that no one else will ever love you.
4. A fear of taking full responsibility for your life and/or looking after yourself.
5. A need to try to perpetuate some past abusive relationship in the current one.
6. A need to distract one's self from painful feelings that may emerge when the distraction of the current relationship is gone.
7. A fear that one will decompensate or fragment emotionally and/or physically.
Clearly the fact that the relationship is not working is a sign of concern. More concerning however is feeling incapable of exercising a free choice to leave it when all measures to rectify the situation have failed.
The factors mentioned above often are the result of traumatic relational experiences that you have stored in your mind/body and which originate in early childhood.
What is important for you to know is that such experiences limit your ability to have a fulfilling and satisfying life.
Many individuals seek out therapy of one sort or another to lessen the impact of such life history on their relationships but find that even after all is said and done this toxicity is still held deep inside them.


If you look at how it feels to recall any negative memory, even one that you may have worked on in therapy I think you will recognize that there are always negative feelings and/or negative feelings about yourself associated with it.  These feelings will always limit you in your relational life.

11 July 2014

Stop Being Needy and Start Making Self Respecting Choices


 Do you know that neediness hijacks the mind and causes one to make choices based on feelings of insecurity, fears of being abandoned or rejected, jealousy, etc.? Do you know this not only makes one feel and appear unattractive it also leaves them feeling out of control and unable to discern whether their choices are actually good ones?
Do you know that means a "needy" person is not in control of themselves or the kind partners they seem to repeatedly find themselves with? Do you know that the only type of person who is willing to accept a needy person is "another" needy person?
Do you know that means needy individuals invariably find themselves in unhealthy relationships that only disappoint and re-traumatise? So is there a way out of this trap? Absolutely!
The way out of this may both astonish and create scepticism so I ask that you be patient and open to what follows because it may be the only thing between where you are now and the possibility of ever realising a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
The way out is to a) realise that neediness is not a normal or natural human trait and b) to totally delete it from within.
Now until you are able to realise the above it will be essentially impossible to accept that it is in fact the truth.


For instance the need for:
Love, Validation, Acceptance, Appreciation, Intimacy, Care taking, Understanding, Attention, Etc. are responsible for what many refer to as co-dependent relationship patterns.
Individuals who harbour such (and other related) needs are not "whole" rather they find themselves feeling deficient and "in need" of those qualities. The problem is that they have been made to believe that those qualities reside in and can only be supplied to them by others.
As I think you can see this leaves them in a dependent and desperate position where they are constantly having to secure someone else's presence, attention, love, understanding, validation, etc. simply in order to feel momentarily secure and content.
The key word there is "momentary" because as soon as the other must attend to something else the person in question immediately returns to feeling insecure, anxious, etc.
So what does this person tend to do? Well, resort to desperate behaviours that often involve needy, controlling and manipulative strategies to get the other person back.
This is what many refer to as "addictive" behaviours.

So how sustainable and attractive are such strategies?
So if I have convinced you that neediness is both destructive and self destructive and you would like to take the first step to becoming a free, whole and self sufficient person then simply place one hand over your Heart, and as if you are speaking from there simply repeat the following to yourself:
"I recognise that neediness in any form is destructive to me and my relationships and I want in my Heart to begin to wake up from this trance of neediness, become a free, empowered, emotionally independent, self sufficient and whole person."
Now take a moment and reflect on how you are feeling inside.  Although this is only an initial exercise in empowerment often individuals are surprised by feelings emerging from within that they can't explain.  For instance one might begin to feel some of the following: an expansion in the chest area, feelings of peace, quiet, stillness, lightness, joy, relief, fullness, clarity, strength, resilience, etc.
If you feel any of the above and you like this kindly affirm it to yourself again as if you are speaking from the Heart and it will grow stronger.
This is the experience of greater consciousness, wakefulness, presence, discernment and inner truth surging up within you. It is the source of clarity and self trust that supports one in all positive self respecting decisions.