Myths About Relationships - Part 2

Myth: If you're truly in love, passion will never fade.

Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love

someone, "the passion and loving" never go away. And if they do disappear, then "it must not be the right relationship" or "our relationship must be in trouble."  However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships.

Daily routines are one of the culprits. As responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other.

But this doesn't mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion.  It is important for couples to introduce new things to perk up the relationship.  Emotional intimacy along with a continuing sense of adventure and exploration puts a new aspect on things.  Try and avoid passion-squashing routines.

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Myths About Relationships - Part 1

There are many myths about relationships, and the problem with persistent myths is that they can erode a relationship's happiness.

When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn't, frustration sets in. 

Here are a couple of myths about relationships that might surprise you.  I will deal with more in the next couple of blogs.

Myth: A good relationship means that you don't have to work at it.

Fact: "The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work," Our culture, education system and parenting styles don't necessarily prepare us for the fact that even good relationships take effort.

A healthy relationship is like a good garden. It's a beautiful thing but you wouldn't expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labour and TLC.

But how do you know if you're working too hard on a relationship? One sign, is if you're feeling unhappy more than you're happy. In other words, are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat than enjoying it?  Perhaps this unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch, and more like the "normal state of affairs".

Another bad sign is if you're trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don't see the same level of effort on your partner's part.

If both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that's a good sign.

Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other's needs and feelings.

Fact: "It's a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind,"

We're always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs.  Once you've communicated your needs and feelings,  a good indication of the quality of your relationship is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

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Guys: Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

Approaching anxiety is the only thing keeping most men from love, unwavering confidence, and true happiness. Unless you start overcoming your approach anxiety, you could be lonely for a long time to come.

Of course you can learn a few great conversation starters, but then what? What will you do next..., and what if she rejects you in front of everyone?   How will your friends react? Will this ruin your night?

Your anxiety could not only keep you from meeting a girlfriend, but it could a negative impact on the rest of your life.  Fear of rejection from women could spill over into fear of rejection from anyone.

Do you feel as though everyone is watching you, and that they would laugh at you if I messed it up? 

What you should realize is that people don't care about what is going on with you or the next guy.  People don't really care about what you are doing, because the majority of the time people are caught up thinking about themselves!

Overcoming approach anxiety is more than just learning how to approach women. You also need to learn how to:

1) Have unwavering confidence in yourself

2) Have the skill to engage a female in an ongoing and interesting conversation

3) Create attraction with a woman right away

4) Easily take things to the next stage with a woman

Without those things, you will never experience true success with women. Most of your approach attempts will not make a good first impression, which will only make it harder to overcome your approach anxiety.

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Deep Rooted Fears That May Be Keeping You Single

It is very difficult to sit with a group of your friends and hear their stories and experiences that are taking place in their relationships - especially if you’re on your own. It will make you look at your life and wonder just how it is that you’re still single while all of your friends your age are married or at least in serious relationships. You start to feel down, depressed, frustrated and wonder if you’ll ever have what they do.

Have you ever thought that this could be something that you’ve brought on yourself? There are actually fears that can keep you single and you may not even know that you have them.

You may be afraid that you will be single forever. This is something that many single people fear whether they admit it or not. It usually happens when you’ve had a few, or more than a few, unpleasant or seriously awful relationships, especially in a row. Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re thinking that you may NEVER have that just right relationship. This can really worry you if it’s later in your life than you thought you’d be single. Men can tell when a woman is desperate and scared to be on her own. Sensing this can change the way a man feels toward you. So, you see, holding onto this fear that you’ll never meet the Mr. Right may very well push him away when he DOES show up.

Another fear that can keep you single is the fear of losing your man. Most people are on their best behavior when they first meet. However, there are some guys that act creepy right out of the gate by assuming too much about where your relationship is going. They may even start getting possessive and/or controlling. Women that exhibit this same type of behavior with men after only a few dates will scare those men away. So when you start worrying about losing the guy before you ever really connect with him, it can make you act in ways that, while totally uncharacteristic of you, can cause the end of this relationship before it even starts.

One of the top fears that might keep you single forever is that he will turn out to be just like your ex. This is pretty easy to understand. If your last relationship ended badly, you need to take enough time to get emotionally under control again. When you give it enough time, then your next man will get a fair chance without you comparing him to your ex. Breaking the emotional ties to your past, and the fear associated with it, helps you move away from the past without taking any old problems or patterns into the new relationship you’re trying to get off the ground.

Be very honest about whether or not you have these fears. Only by admitting to them can you start getting rid of them. 

Wishing you successful dating on

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The Importance of Remaining Independent in a Relationship

Living in a close relationship with your special someone is invigorating, exciting and fun.

In reality, a healthy relationship is made up of two mentally strong people. They each lead independent lives and have the desire and ability to share their lives as well.

These are a few of the reasons why this balance of separateness and togetherness is important:

1. Independence makes the relationship more intellectually stimulating. If each party brings his or her individual interests to the table, they'll have some fascinating and different subjects to talk about with one another.

2. You can depend on your partner for support when you need it. If each partner is independent, each one is comfortable depending on the other when the going gets tough or when life gets hectic. A relationship is, in essence, a partnership. Knowing you can count on the other person is wonderfully supportive.

• Having confidence that your partner can "be okay" without you while you're at work or otherwise engaged relieves you of having to worry about how your partner will manage in challenging situations.
• Relationships do have an ebb and flow that requires that one partner leans on the other occasionally.

3. Two independent people in a relationship can mean a more balanced relationship. When you're both independent, the relationship is healthier. Nobody is exclusively relegated to a specific role.

• When balance isn't present, one partner might take the role of "the strong one" in the relationship while the other partner is consequently "the weak one." Equilibrium in the relationship means no one partner is more or less powerful than the other.

4. Your relationship becomes stronger. When two independent people make a decision to have a relationship, their time with each other is more special and sacred. Even though a sense of independence is important for each partner, being willing to share with the other what you love to do is a great way to spend quality time together.

• Bringing independence to your relationship promises a deeper, more lasting partnership since it's built on acceptance of each other as a whole human being.

5. A sense of independence makes you more emotionally secure. This works for and benefits both partners.

• If a partner is emotionally secure, they're not afraid to show their strength and their softer side at the same time.
• Each person's sense of independence can help facilitate more openness and honesty in the partnership. No matter what you say or do, you know that your mate will ultimately be okay since their independence already shows that they're able to take care of themselves.
• When you come together at the end of the day, maybe one is tired or bored. The other can step in and revive the other or bring some ideas to the table.
• Neither partner will feel threatened by their mate's autonomy and sense of personal strength and emotional security.

Partners in a relationship will enjoy a much deeper, longer lasting connection when they each have a sense of independence. Bringing up different interests for discussion, feeling like you can depend on the other and having a balanced relationship all stem from both parties having their own sense of autonomy.

Wishing you success with your dating on  www.sablackdiamonds.co.za 

Flirting on the Internet

How will you flirt with someone if you do not even see him/her face to face?
This is the million dollar question by all people who are into online dating.  Well, just think about it: if a mere wink and a simple touch can already send good signals to the other person when you are personally dating, how should it be done when you are only dating virtually? This is the very reason why it is a big must for you to know some of the best and most effective flirting tips for online dating. You should remember these flirting tips so that when you meet someone new online, you will be able to put only your best foot forward.

Check Your Grammar
Whether you believe it or not, one of the foremost flirting tips for online dating is to always check your grammar. It has been observed that a lot of people are actually turned off when the person they are talking to online are using incorrect spellings and has bad grammar. Of course, you do not want to disgust your prospect online date with erroneously spelled words and grammar that
hurts the eyes.

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Make Humour Your Ally
Probably one of the most effective flirting tips is to have a sense of humor. Remember that in online dating, you are trying to lure the other person to continuously communicate with you and if luck allows, even go out with you on a real date. So, it never hurts to throw out some jokes from time to time but make sure you will not go overboard if you do not want to make your online date think that you are trying so hard.

Keep Things Plain and Sweet
One of the highly suggested flirting tips for online dating is to always keep things plain and simple. As much as possible, send out emails that are lighthearted, with just the perfect dose of upbeat tone that will surely make your prospect date more curious about you. It does not even have to be a very lengthy mail, since there are people who easily get bored with long paragraphs.

Give Out Some Compliments
One of the best and easiest flirting tips that you can do is to send some sincere compliments.  All of us surely want to hear good things about ourselves, so, it will be a good move if your emails and chat messages will contain some positive notes, but never ever do it.  Here are other flirting tips for online dating that you can actually do to gain success:  Cute is actually good. If your interaction online will make you look cute to another person, you will surely get a date in no time.  Minimize the use of emoticons.  Some people get irritated or they might also misread what you mean by using those smileys and other stuff whenever you chat with them so be careful.  Never ever give out one-word answers such as "hehe" and "lol". There is nothing more annoying when you have typed in a whole paragraph and all that you got for an answer is a "LMAO."
These are just few of the flirting tips that you can apply whenever you look for a prospect date online.

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Conversations for Your First Date

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When is Anger good and when is Anger bad?

Anger is the natural emotion we humans experience in response to a perceived threat, frustration, assault or obstruction to our humanity and who we are.
Anger can basically fall into 2 categories:

- 1. Our native response to not being taken care of properly or our needs being met (which is classed as good or helpful anger) and
- 2. A response of our Ego and which can be anything from frustration to rage in not getting what we want.

And there is a world of a difference between the two. So, when assessing you anger, it is very important to ask yourself honestly, where is this anger coming from?
If you can identify that it is coming from your needs not being met, then the anger serves a healthy function and gives you the emotional lift and strength to rise up and be assertive in the situation in order to get your needs met.
However mostly when anger is considered a problem, it is because it is coming from a place of Ego, where you really just want what you want and don’t like other people or things getting in your way.

For men in general, often they haven’t been encouraged to be aware of their whole set of emotions, and find that anger is their most common and immediate emotion and response to any kind of physical or emotional pain and fear.
Often anger will show up most in a man’s relationship with his partner, and this can develop into violence toward her.
Understandably, over time a partner can become sick of living with fear, intimidation and humiliation, and usually in time, finds the strength to give him an ultimatum “You get fixed or I’ll get out”.

There needs to be a distinction between anger and violence. Anger is an emotion. Violence is what some people might do when they are angry, or even when they are not. Violence can be physical, emotional or spiritual.
For many men their softer emotions of fear and sadness have been covered or not expressed. They have been taught “Be a man. Be strong. Take control of your life – even if you fail. But don’t show your true feelings – especially your pain and fear”. They only have access to their anger. Anger can cover so much of a man’s personal pain.

Anger is not about control. It is most often about loss of control. For most men losing control is painful and fearful. You can feel vulnerable and feel like you’ve failed. Sometimes men fear the consequences of losing control more than just about anything else.
The pain of failure and the fear of losing control drives much of men’s anger.
The good news is that you can solve your anger problem. Not by berating yourself as sick or sinful, but by recognizing yourself as a human being with an emotional life experience as well as a rational one.

The challenge is not really to work against your anger, but to become aware of where it comes from. To take control of your anger and direct what you do with it.

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